#somehow i ended up revisiting it every three years...

[neroowuu]

maka they could never make me hate you

yeah anyways this was actually supposed to be a redraw of this ⬇️

buuut i may have went a bit ham

[dameronspector]

Getaway Car (Part 2)

Pairing: Manny Alvarez x GN!Reader, Joel Miller x Platonic!reader, Ellie Williams x Platonic!Reader

Summary: After a tough escape to Jackson, you end up getting taken in by none other than Joel Miller. Still hurt by Manny's actions and the heartbreak, you discover for the first time what it means to be surrounded by family since you were 14 years old. And you'd do anything to save this family, but you were still holding out hope for your love to come back home.

Warnings: Cursing, Angst, Hurt/Comfort from Joel, Joel is a father to Reader, Reader misses Manny so much, Mentions of Depression and Panic Attacks, Death, Blood, Gore, Starvation, Joel Miller Is Saved, Reader hates Abby and the group, Manny begs for forgiveness, reunions, that’s all i think!

AN: this part includes: how did Reader build relationships with joel, Ellie and the others. And ofcourse the incident and how Reader saves joel. I’m deciding to split this into three parts now because this is just inspiring me sm. (Sorry if this isnt good I’m editing this at 4 am help)

PS: I don't know anything about the game, my characterisation is based off the wiki information, the show and my own imagination. Plus, I headcanoned the QZ where they first met as Miami because that's Danny's hometown.

Somewhere near Jackson, 2023

You don’t know where you are or what day it was- all you knew that you had to keep going—you had to keep moving and stay vigilant. Max, your beloved horse, was a strong and supportive companion in your lonely journey. You thought he might’ve sensed your heart ache somehow as he would nuzzle closer to you every time you touched foreheads. In return, you made sure to find food and shelter for him, if not for you, as you were too depressed and tired to think about your own health.

Travelling solo across the country was triggering, as you were reminded of the time that you were on the run with your parents. And since then, you were always accompanied by Manny or the others. When you camped down at night, you kept yourself awake by revisiting all the happy moments with your Manny or by crying over him. The way he caressed your head when you were sleeping, the way he held your hands, the way he would crack jokes to cheer you up, his stories from back home—everything. You missed his scent, you missed that he wasn’t here to warm you up in the biting cold at night. You knew he must be losing his mind right now, the inability to protect you and not being able to see you making him insane. But you also knew you had to do this. For you, and as a human being.

The journey wasn't easy. You had some encounters with clickers and managed to roughly escape some raiders with minimal injuries. You tried your best not to stay at one place for a long time and even if you did, you would either hide out in high rise buildings or abandoned homes. Somewhere that had four walls to protect you and Max. Camping out in the open sent your mind went into overdrive as even the smallest of sounds sent you over the edge. So you tried your best to avoid open spaces. All of this was taking a toll on you mentally as you grew more and more paranoid, Manny’s smiling face in the back of your mind was the only thing that kept you alive.

According to the map, you were closer to Jackson now, the thought keeping you motivated to keep pushing. You hadn’t had a proper meal in days. You felt dehydrated and hungry, the feeling of exhaustion taking you back to when you were 14. You tried focusing your eyes in front of you, lazily guiding Max, but you could feel that fuzzy feeling in your head, your eyes slipping shut and your hands constantly dropping the reins, the crisp and cold air making it harder to focus. Max nodded his head and tried to get your attention with a grunt, but you were too far gone and you eventually passed out against his mane, leaving him grunting and neighing, standing still on the spot until he heard someone approach.

Jackson, 2023

“Joel! I see a horse!”, Ellie yelled out to get Joel’s attention. Joel rushed over to Ellie’s side. “You see someone on it?” “I don’t think so, can’t see properly from here.”

Joel nodded and slowly made his way over to the horse, his gun raised and a hand asking Ellie to stay behind the bushes. As he approached the horse, he noticed how the horse kept nodding his head and tried to turn his head behind, as if asking Joel to look over there. Joel held out a hand to soothe the horse and that’s when he noticed someone passed out on the horse’s back.

“Hey, easy, easy. That’s it, that’s a good boy”, he cooed to the horse to calm him down and walked over to check on you. You looked…bad, to put it simply. Your skin was pale, clothes dirtied and you looked sickly because of the lack of food and water. Joel furrowed his eyebrows- he could tell you had come alone, all the way to Jackson, from somewhere far and he understood that the moment he took a look at you. You carried a single backpack, probably filled with essentials only, no visible weapons on you or anything suspicious. You looked young, Joel noted- must be in your late 20s.

Joel stuffed his gun back into the holster and shook you by the shoulders, “Hey- hey, kid? You okay?” You stirred a little at his voice but you were so weak that you slipped from the saddle. Joel immediately caught you in his arms and carefully got you down from the horse. “Fuck- hey-Ellie!”, Joel grunted out. Ellie rushed out from her hiding place and came over to support your legs and helped Joel lift you in his arms.

“Shit, are they okay?”, Ellie asked in concern, taking in your pale and fragile form. Your head lolled into Joel’s chest and he let out a sigh.

“No idea. Likely dehydrated and passed out from exhaustion. Don’t see any injuries or nothin’”, eyebrows furrowed in concern, Joel looked you over once again. You stirred lightly against him, your eyes blearily opened and tried to focus on the person holding you. “Manny…”, you slurred out, Joel strained his good ear to hear you clearly, but to no avail as you were delirious and your speech unclear.

“They’re out of it. We need to take ‘em to the clinic right away. You take the horse to the stables, have him checked, okay?”, Joel instructed Ellie and she nodded her head before carefully taking away Max with her. Joel hoisted you up in his arms and made his way over to the clinic.

-

You woke up to a persistent beeping. The first things you noticed were that your head was pounding, your body aching all over, mouth feeling like someone had stuffed cotton in it and you felt a soft surface under your body. Opening your heavy eyes took a lot of effort, your vision blurry and your mind confused about your whereabouts. When you finally managed to focus your eyes, you noticed the room you were in, it looked like a hospital room and you were lying on a bed. Your initial reaction was to panic, thinking the Fireflies or FEDRA managed to capture you somehow. Your heart rate shot up on the monitor and the nurse came over to soothe you, “it’s okay, relax. You’re safe, I promise.”

You opened your mouth and winced at how dry it was, licking your dry lips to get some moisture back. The nurse seemed to notice this and offered you a glass of water, which you drank gratefully. “Where….am I?”, you managed to croak out in a scratchy voice. The nurse gave you a sympathetic smile, “You’re in Jackson, sweetheart. You were out for a full day.”

You paused. You reached Jackson? You actually managed to reach Jackson? Your eyes immediately filled up with tears out of relief. And then you remembered Max. “M-my, my horse? Where is he? Is he okay-” “Yes, he’s alright! We got him checked, he’s healthy. Joel and Ellie saved you, honey. You looked very weak, they found you passed out on your horse. Thank god Joel decided to bring you here right away”, the nurse struck an idle conversation while she checked your vitals.

You froze. Joel saved you? The person whose arms you felt was him?

“W-where is he?”, you whispered. “Ah, must be home right now. He was here to check on you this morning. He’s said he will come back before dinner. And what’s your name, honey?”

You swallowed, your throat swelling up with emotion and gratitude. “Okay, thank you. I’m (Name)”, you replied to the nurse in a soft voice. She flashed you a smile and went back to writing something on her writing pad. You promptly fell asleep after that conversation, your body too exhausted to stay up.

-

The next time you opened your eyes, they fell on a shadow of a man next to you. For a moment, your foolish heart jumped, thinking it’s Manny but once you focused clearly on the man, you realised he wasn’t. Tall even when sitting, broad shoulders covered by a flannel, hair cropped yet messy, his face was handsome- aquiline nose looked like it was made especially for him, lines of age and gray hair marked his hair and stubble. He suddenly snapped his head up to look at you and your eyes were captivated by the brown pools of his eyes, their colour as rich as coffee and the way they shined with warmth and sadness at the same time.

“Oh, you’re up. How you feelin’ now?”, his low baritone echoed in the empty room. Your face must’ve expressed confusion and he cleared his throat to introduce himself, “Sorry, ‘m Joel. Found you by the perimeter fencing. And don’t worry, your horse is safe in the stable”, he reassured you in his smooth voice. Your eyes widened in realisation, “Joel?”, you breathed out, “T-thank you for saving my life. I’m sorry for coming into your town like that but I had no other option. I just- thank you, Joel.”

Joel’s face flashed with surprise. For someone who was probably traumatised from the journey, you were a very courteous person. Joel was kind of impressed and suspicious of your attitude. He’s had enough experience to know the cheap tactics of enemies, acting kind at first and striking later was a classic move. But he didn’t get that vibe from you. Here you were, exhausted and grateful with tears in your eyes, miles away from home and yet you looked like you wanted to be here.

Joel nodded his head, a look passing over his eyes, “Yeah. You rest now. The doctor said you’ll be discharged by today evening. You can ask the nurse if you wanna get somethin’ to eat, she’ll tell you the directions. And uh, you’ll have to debrief with Maria, the council head. Nothin’ serious, just normal stuff like where’d you come from n’ all that. Okay?”

Your face twisted in stress, the thought of going out in a community and facing people while knowing that you’re an Ex-Firefly was enough to send you into a panic attack. You weren’t sure how to proceed with this information and how would you talk to Joel about it. They’d shoot you then and there, you’re sure of that. Joel seemed to have sensed this, “Hey, kid, relax. Nobody’s gonna hurt ya. I’ll come with you, if you want. I’ll send Ellie to keep you company till then, okay?”, Joel tried to soothe you. You swallowed painfully, your throat still scratchy, and offered him a short nod.

-

Joel left your room and Ellie took over his place. You liked her right away, she was a really lovely and funny girl and so helpful, you thought you’d already made a friend in her. She helped you get discharged and kept you distracted with her idle chatter. “You wanna get something to eat? We can go to the canteen to have something, it’s dinner time anyway. Or you can come over to our-Joel’s house and eat there? He’s asked me to keep an eye on you, so”, she asked casually while helping you walk out of the room.

“Um-I don’t really want to…eat in front of everyone”, you replied hesitantly with a hoarse voice. You haven’t talked much since you got here. Ellie looked at you with sympathy, she understood that you felt uncomfortable to be around so many people after being alone for days. “Yeah, of course. I’ll drop you off at his house and get a plate for you, that okay?”. You nodded your head tersely.

The two of you made your way out of the clinic and a shadow appeared next to you. “How’re you feeling, kid?” Joel.

You looked up at him and gave him a weak smile. “I’m okay.”

“You goin’ somewhere?”, he asked Ellie and she explained that you weren't comfortable with eating in the canteen and wanted to be somewhere away from judging eyes. He seemed to contemplate for a moment before offering, “If ya want, you can come to my house. You'd give company to Ellie as well”, he mumbled that last part and looked at Ellie with hope in his eyes. Ellie side eyed him and shifted her gaze away, focusing on the street in front of her. Your eyebrows quirked in interest and you paused, is Ellie the same girl..?

You looked at him solemnly. “Is that okay with you? I can totally just eat in the canteen, I don’t mind”, you rushed to add, not wanting to impose in anyway. Ellie looked you and shot you a shocked smile, not expecting the formality, they didn’t see that often. Joel gave you a small nod. “Yeah, that’s okay. C’mon.”

Ellie left you with Joel and walked away to get you a plate of food. Joel watched her go in worry for a moment, and you two began walking towards his house. They had finally given you some layers to put on, the autumn breeze was crisp, making your face cold in a pleasant way. Joel didn’t talk much, only speaking when spoken to or when he had to lay out any information, and you were glad for it. Your mind was too noisy to make any conversation right now and your eyes were too busy taking in Jackson. This was an actual town. You still couldn’t believe it. The people, the laughter of children, smoke coming out of chimneys, wires overhead, a constant mumble of chatter around you- your ears were ringing. You haven’t heard or seen such a normal and mundane scene in years.

The wonder and overwhelm must’ve been clearly visible on your face because it got a chuckle out of Joel. You turned your head to look at him. “Swear Ellie had that exact same look on her face when we walked through the gates.” You froze at his words. If Ellie was with him when he came here, then- oh god. She was the girl who Jerry was operating on. You felt bile rise up your throat. She was so young. The gravity of the situation hit you harder and you felt your insides curl with anger at the Fireflies, at the WLF, at Abby and at...Manny.

You forced yourself to let out a chuckle, your cheeks warming up from embarrassment. “Haven’t seen so much…life around me before. I swear I might even hear the electricity buzzing through the wires”, you joked lightly. Joel gave you a half smile, “Yeah, I get that. We jus' got here as well, few weeks ago.” You swallowed in guilt at that but also grateful that him and Ellie could escape Salt Lake and settle down here. “Yeah? That’s-that’s great. I’m glad you found a place to settle down”, you replied in a quiet voice and Joel stared at you in question, sensing a slight change in your mood. He decided to let it go and chalked it up to you still recovering.

You two finally reached his house and you took a moment to just stand on the driveway to stare at it. This was a whole, functioning house. An actual house that wasn’t just a hideout or a shelter or some dilapidated building. A house that looked like someone lived in it and that sent a pang through your heart, wishing you had Manny next to you. This should’ve been you and Manny entering your own house, him cracking jokes and flirting with you while your giggles echoed through the garden. You don’t even know where he is right now or if he was even alive. That thought made your eyes well up with tears and your chest hurt.

Joel turned around to see that you had stood still on the driveway, seemingly in a trance. Eyes shining with tears, you couldn’t avert your gaze from the house. Joel furrowed his eyebrows. You were so out of it since you got here, not even speaking a word to anyone or complaining about anything, Joel thought that you must’ve experienced something so numbing that you had lost all your energy and spark—he could relate to that. The way you kept making them comfortable as if you weren’t the one who was new to their town and as if you didn’t need care, almost made him laugh, in a good way. You were a good kid, he thought, feeling his fatherly instincts take over. He made his way over to you to shake you out of your trance.

“(Name)?”, he lightly shook you by the shoulders and you jumped. He raised his hands up and stepped back from you. “It’s okay, we’re here. This is my house. You wanna come in?”. You blinked your eyes rapidly to get rid of the tears and curtly nodded your head, making your way towards his living room.

You got hit by a comforting warmth and a smell of coffee as soon as you stepped foot into his house. The dark interior making it look cosy, like a library. There were several paintings hung around the house and it was decorated in little knick knacks, the dining table and coffee table having two forgotten cups each and a blanket thrown over the couch. It was home. And you didn’t know him, but it somehow screamed Joel.

You took a deep breath in, inhaling the comforting scent of coffee and wood and closed your eyes in contentment. After living an unstable and rough life since you were 14, you finally had a place where you could be you. The apocalypse was still out there, but here? Here, you could pretend that everything was okay and here, you could wait for your love to come back home. Joel noticed your reaction and his eyes shined with sympathy, tossing a small smile towards your way.

"Uh-after you have your dinner, we'll have to drop you off at the courthouse right away. That okay?", Joel asked you, breaking you out of your trance. You nodded and he spoke up again. "I didn't ask before but, where'd you come from?"

You stiffened up. You weren't going to drop a bomb on him right away so you decided to lie, you knew you would regret this later because Joel was too sharp to miss it. "I-I’m from the Miami QZ. Before coming to Jackson, I was at the Denver QZ", you confessed shakily.

Joel furrowed his eyebrows in shock. "You came all the way from Miami and Denver alone? That's halfway across the country", he questioned you gruffly. You swallowed thickly, this was a mistake. Joel was way too wise and experienced to catch your lie, you knew that. "Uh-yeah. I mean- I was alone from Denver. Left behind the group I was travelling with…we had left Miami a few months ago for Denver."

Joel narrowed his eyes at you, "A group? Why would you leave your group behind?"

You cleared your throat before answering, "Well, I wanted something else. Didn't agree with their ways, so I decided to move on", you shrugged, your hands clenched in tight fists. Joel stared you down with that steely gaze of his and you almost faltered before he nodded his head. “Alright, well, Settle down.”

-

After Ellie came back, you had your food and you ate it in silence, minus the chatter and questions from Ellie. You noticed some tension between her and Joel but kept quiet because you had just met them. She asked you your name, where you were from, how did you find Jackson, and so on and you answered her questions sincerely, hiding some of the facts for now. She was such a curious kid, it made you sad to even think that if it wasn’t for Joel, she wouldn’t have been here. Her infectious energy even made someone as stoic as Joel let out some chuckles. You felt a clear bond between the two- Joel always looked at her with so much care and love that it made you jealous. You haven’t had a parental figure to look over you since you were 14. You missed them. You blinked away the tears and focused on your food before they walked you to the town courthouse.

There were 6-7 people sitting on the panel. And you assumed that the two people sitting in the middle were the heads of the council. “(Name)?”, the dark-skinned woman sitting in the middle addressed you. You squeezed your fingers together, shifted nervously in the chair. Clearing your throat, you finally spoke up, “Yes.”

“I’m Maria, Head Counselor of Jackson. This is Tommy and the rest of the council. We just want to ask you a few questions about you and how you came across Jackson, is that okay?” Your eyebrows raised in recognition, so this was Maria. You nodded and Maria begun, “Can you state your full name and age?”, you gave her your full name and age and observed as she wrote it down.

“Okay, do you mind telling us where are you from?”

“Yes, I-I was originally from the Miami QZ. But, had to move to Denver a few months ago due to overpopulation in the zone”, you confessed as if you had practiced this lie. Maria nodded her head but her eyebrows scrunched in confusion. “Wait, you traveled across the country alone?”

“No, I had a group with me from Miami to Denver. But I left them behind in Denver because I didn’t agree with their ways and I had learned about Jackson. Was tired of being on the run so…thought I might as well move on.”

The man next to her, Tommy, leaned forward and stared at you in question. You couldn’t help but notice that he looked a lot like Joel and Manny. “You sure you came here just to settle? No people following you or any other motives?”, his gruff voice echoed in the room.

You shook your head vehemently, “No! I came here alone and in peace. I just want a place to stay, lost my parents when I was 14 so I haven’t had a proper home or stable life since then. I totally understand if you don’t trust me but, I promise, I came here in peace”, you confessed truthfully. While yes, you had omitted certain parts of your life but you did want to escape to Jackson to live a peaceful life, hopefully with Manny, but you weren’t sure when would that wish come true. You didn’t tell them about the situation with Abby yet because you needed to talk to Joel, directly first. Involving the council meant you had to go through ‘legal’ processes and you didn’t need all that, nor did you have the energy for it.

Tommy looked at you for a moment before nodding his head in agreement and Maria let out a sigh. “Okay, we’ll have to check your pack before we hand it back to you. I’ll help you pick out a house after we’re done renovating. Till then, you can stay with Joel, if you want”, Maria offered. You simply nodded your head and they excused you. You couldn’t believe it- you were a member of this community now, you were torn between crying in happiness and sorrow. Ellie dropped you off at the house before promptly leaving to hang out with her friends.

There was a pit in your stomach because of the lies that you told in the court but you had decided that you would speak to Joel right away. You stepped into the living room and called out for him, “Joel?”, you walked over to the hallway and called out once more, “Joel? Are you home?”, you noticed a door that was ajar and peeped through it to see Joel sitting a desk, head lowered and hands working on something.

You knocked at the door twice, but didn’t get any response. You furrowed your brows and decided to approach him instead, “Joel?”, he flinched and reached for a tool before he noticed you and put the tool down before letting out a sigh. “Sorry! I’m so sorry, I-i called you out twice and knocked on the door but you didn’t hear me I-” “s’okay, kid. Sat with the bad ear facing the door, not your fault.”

You grimaced. “Bad ear?”

“Yeah, apparently using a gun too many times can do that to your ears”, Joel scoffed and reached for the sanding paper to sand the sculpture in his hands. Your eyes widened in realisation, he was deaf in an ear- no wonder why he didn’t hear you.

Your attention spanned to his work bench. It was littered with wood, tools for woodwork, and a few sketches splayed across the table. “You’re a sculptor?”, you asked in interest, leaning closer to watch his skilled hands work.

Joel let out a breathy chuckle. “Somethin’ like that. Was a contractor back in the day. Noticed some wood lyin' around here and thought I might as well make somethin' out of it. Works as a distraction too."

Your mouth took an 'o' shape as you watched him sand down the sculpture. You smiled to yourself, finding it endearing that someone as gruff as Joel made sculptures in his free time to keep himself busy.

"Why'd you ask for me?", his voice snapped you out of your thoughts. You straightened up and cleared your throat. "Joel, there's something you should know. I needed to tell it to you first", you confessed in a quiet voice, your face twisted in pain like you were dreading this conversation. You noticed how Joel's body visibly stiffened and he turned his attention back to you, his sharp gaze judging you. "What is it?"

You swallowed thickly and shut your eyes. "You can kick me out if you want to but I—I used to be a Firefly. I was stationed at St. Mary's", your voice slipping into a whisper by the end of the sentence, not needing to elaborate further as Joel's eyes widened and his heart pounded against his chest. He knew what you were referencing. He gritted his teeth and clenched his hands into a fist.

"What the fuck are you doin' here? You came here to take her away? To leak whatever information they want? Get out of my house before I-" "No! No, please. Joel, listen to me. I promise, I didn't come here to harm you or Ellie, I swear. Just- hear me out, please", you begged him, your hands stretched out in a placating gesture. Joel clenched his jaw and observed you closely. You weren't carrying any weapons or anything, might as well give you a chance to explain yourself. He nodded at you to continue, and you let out a sigh of relief, your eyes burning with tears.

"Joel, I admit I was a Firefly. But, I don't do that anymore. Not after I found out what they were gonna do to Ellie. It's why I left them and came here, alone. I swear, they abandoned me the moment I disagreed with their plan I-"

"What plan?", Joel asked sharply.

You took a deep breath in and told him the truth, "Joel, they want to kill you. They will come for you. That doctor you killed? He was the father of one of my group members. She's- Joel, she's gone insane. Blinded by rage and vengeance. She's manipulated the whole group into seeking you out and killing you. I couldn't sit and watch so I took out information from the nurses you spared and I left overnight", your voice wavering because of the lump in your throat.

Joel stared at you in disbelief, "Why would they not follow you? Why are you doing this for us? We ain't even know you", he questioned you, unable to understand your motive.

Your face scrunched up in pain, "Because, The Fireflies killed my parents!", you cried out and Joel froze. "Because they keep hurting innocent people and I've been trying to bring them down since I was 14, Joel. They manipulated me into joining them after they killed my parents in front of me. I-I've saved countless of their victims before but if i had stayed back anymore, I would've been killed or abandoned for disagreeing with them or disobeying protocol. When I heard what they did to Ellie...i felt sick and disgusted with myself", you confessed before running a hand across your face to calm yourself down, "And no, they wouldn't follow me because...because someone close to me will cover up for me. But, that doesn't mean they won't find you. The nurses already told them some information on you. Their only aim is to hurt you, to kill you", you let out in a breath.

Joel was standing so still, that you thought he'd stopped breathing. He knew his luck would run out someday, his demons coming back to hurt him but hearing it from you, a stranger, made it very real. He thought of that day in the hospital and he thought about your story. You were nothing less than a guardian angel for him, he was in awe of your perseverance and the humanity that you possessed, to try and bring an evil organisation to an end since you were Ellie's age. Then, he thought of all the nasty work he's done in the past and thought- he doesn't deserve your kindness. That maybe, he's had it coming for a long time and he should just accept it.

He swallowed thickly and responded in a hoarse voice, "Don't tell any of this to Ellie. I'll figure somethin' out. Thank you for telling me the truth, you didn't have to."

You stared at him dumbfounded, "What? Joel-" "She'll lose her damn mind and stop talking to me altogether, I know. But still, don't tell this to anybody, y'hear me? This'll stay between you and me. I won't tell about your past to anyone else either", Joel pleaded in a soft voice.

You stared at him in confusion, your eyes shining with unshed tears and you reluctantly agreed to his conditions. What Joel didn't know, was that you were going to save him from Abby, no matter how much he refused to be saved.

-

Jackson, 2025

It's been 2 years since you were officially a Jackson resident. There were days where you still couldn't believe that this was your life now. You slept on an actual bed, had proper meals, had good clothes to wear, you woke up every morning and met with people, with families, around you, attended community dinners and events- it was surreal. You had a family of your own now-Joel, Ellie, Tommy, Maria, Dina, Jesse and the newest addition to the family- little Benji Miller.

You spent your days either looking after Benji, helping around town or going on patrols with the others. Joel even taught you some wood carving and it helped to bring you and him closer. Soon enough, you looked up to him as a father figure, the way he would fuss over Ellie making you crave that parental affection. He was a natural at that, being a father, his caring and doting side slipping through that cold and gruff exterior naturally. He'd bring you coffee, you'd accompany him on patrols where you jeered with each other, he'd teach you the guitar, you'd go on walks with him- like a normal father and child would.

After that confession, you were sure that you Joel would stop talking to you. But instead, he asked you to move into his house and Ellie was over the moon. She'd spend most of her time with you or her other friends, chatting away or helping with tasks around the town. Very soon, you had found out that her and Joel weren't on good terms ever since Salt Lake and it made you feel guilty that you were somehow connected to that. Joel never brought up that fateful day, trying to bury it ten feet under and asking you to do the same.

As days passed, you found out that Tommy was actually Joel's younger brother and him and Maria were married with a baby on the way. It made you tear up, happy that Joel and Ellie had a family of their own and made your chest hurt in heart break. Joel also shared that he had a daughter that he lost on the day of the outbreak. It made your heart break for him even more and made you understand why he was so protective of Ellie.

It's been two years since you left Manny and you still broke down in his memory. You would never get over it, you were sure of that, for he was such a huge part of your life that it was impossible to forget him and he always left an impact on people with his charm. You often found yourself zoning out and refusing to leave your room, your body numb with the pain in your heart. Joel managed to coax you out most days, Ellie dragging you out the others, but you'd be functioning like a robot. They didn't know why you acted the way you did, assuming it was just because you missed home, but still, they tried to keep you alive. Today was another day like that—you were standing on the porch, holding a hot mug of coffee in hand, staring blankly at the trees lining Joel's fence.

"Good mornin', Kiddo", Joel's quiet yet gruff voice mumbled next to you. You jumped and snapped out of your trance turning to face Joel. "Morning, old man", you threw a smirk at his way, him rolling his eyes in return.

"Ellie..?", he trailed off and looked at the garage longingly. Oh yeah, Ellie recently moved all of her stuff in the garage and has been avoiding Joel like the plague now. You saw the way his heart broke at that, everyday he looked at the garage door with sadness and disappointment lining his features and it broke your heart to see him like that. You had asked him if he wanted you to talk to Ellie but he'd politely shut you down.

"No, Joel. She's gone with Jesse and the others already", you let out an apologetic sigh. He blinked rapidly to get rid of the tears and bit the inside of his cheek. Your heart twisted in empathy for him. "I see...well, how're you? Feelin' alright?"

You pressed your lips into a thin line and turned your attention back to the trees, "I guess." Joel stared at you for a moment before letting out a sigh and sipping his coffee. "Have you ever been in love, Joel?", you asked him quietly.

He froze before inhaling deeply. "Well, there was Sarah's mom. Then, there was Sarah. She was my everything, my whole world revolved around her", he chuckled softly. "I...there was someone but...lost her when we were on our way to Jackson", he admitted quietly. You looked at him with sadness coating your tone, "How did you get over the pain? How did you forget them and move on?"

Joel's eyebrows furrowed. "You don't forget them. They're always in your heart, even if you can't see them. It's their memory that keeps you going", he replied carefully.

"It hurts to remember, Joel", you whimpered. Joel straightened up, alarmed at your sudden display of emotions, and laid a strong hand on your shoulder. "Hey, what's wrong? You wanna talk about it?"

You looked up at him with your tears in your eyes and sniffled. "I- i loved- love someone. But he betrayed me and I left him behind to come to Jackson. We were supposed to spend the rest of our lives here. I don't even know if he's alive now", you broke down in a sob towards the end of that sentence.

Joel's eyes flashed with empathy and he brought you close in a hug, caging you in his safe arms, your head pressed to his chest and whispered a simple reassurance, "Don’t jump to conclusions, Kid. It's okay, let it out.” You hugged him tighter and let out all the bottled up emotions that were choking you for the last 2 years.

Jackson, 2029

Joel was your surrogate father, at this point. Comforting you every time you burst into tears after missing Manny or patching you up after a bad patrol. At first you thought he was just filling up the space that Ellie left in his heart by taking care of you. But one night, he confessed to you that if Sarah was around, she’d be exactly like you and that made you cry like a baby, your arms thrown around Joel and him comforting you like your father would. You had started to jokingly call him ‘Pops’, enjoying the annoyed grunt he would give in return.

You had gotten closer to Tommy and Maria as well, Benji taking a special liking to you since you basically babysat him ever since he was a year old. You were basically a Miller now, Ellie was too, just a little distant and you tried to reassure Joel about it everytime. He thought you didn’t see his sad little face around her, but you did and you subtly tried to distract him by poking fun at him.

It had been tense at the Miller house since last night. Joel and Ellie got into a little disagreement at the New Years Party to which, you had a little disagreement with Ellie because you didn’t like her reaction. Joel was just trying to help her, you’d never forget that look of embarrassment and hurt on his face after she yelled at him, which lead to you telling her to get it to together (do not put a teenager and a 30 year old in a room together). After that altercation, you left the party to follow Joel to the house and gave him company, him strumming the guitar while you read your book and chatted to him idly.

Come morning, you knew something was wrong the moment you woke up. You were supposed to patrol with Jesse but Ellie would be joining you because Joel let her sleep in and went on patrol with Dina instead. It would be awkward with Ellie joining you but you couldn’t shake off the feeling that something was going to happen today.

-

And something did happen today.

Actually, what didn’t happen today would be a better question. Jackson was hit with the worst blizzard it had ever experienced in the last 5 years. And you, Jesse and Ellie were stuck in the middle of it, your radio signals complete busted. Jesse managed to find a rundown 7/11 and you three took shelter in it. You holed your horses into a nearby stable and hid away in the 7/11 for god knows how long. It was then that your radios were suddenly firing away, Amy shouting into it.

“Joel—Dina—-seen them?”

You and Ellie exchanged a look and rushed to stand close to the radio. Jesse picked up the radio and yelled in it for someone to reply before Ellie snatched it from his hands. Ellie asked what happened and you caught Amy’s broken words- Joel and Dina were both missing. You and Ellie were panicking, rushing out of the store to grab your horses. Jesse tried to ask about the directions but Ellie simply told him to go Southwest while you and her would be going Northwest.

Ellie and you rode your horses like your life depended on it. The blizzard was getting worse, harsh winds whipping against your face, ice crystals freezing on your eyelashes and making your vision blurry. Your poor horses- Shimmer and Max- doing their best to run in the knee deep snow. Your breathing was laboured from the amount of effort you had to put in riding your horse, the cold air entering your lungs and making it harder to breathe.

Just as you were feeling like you were running in circles, you came across a lodge and two horses tied to the fence. Joel and Dina’s horses. You looked at Ellie and booked it for the lodge, getting off your horses as quickly as possible and entered into the lodge. The basement was full of wrapped and broken furniture, you and Ellie scanned the area with your guns raised. Just as you were about to take the stairs, you heard noises. Several of them. Some in pain and the two of you rushed up the stairs, you watching Ellie’s six.

Ellie broke open the door from where the noises came from and you saw your nightmare playing out in front of you. Joel was lying down on his stomach, his face bloody, a pool of blood surrounding his knee and he was barely conscious. There was a blonde girl repeatedly punching him when someone tackled Ellie to the ground and that’s when you noticed that it was Abby who stood over Joel.

Your eyes widened and you screamed, “Abby!” The entire room stilled. Every single person in the room turned to look at you and in your panic, you didn’t notice the one person you were dying to see for the past 5 years- “(Name)?”, Manny whispered in disbelief.

But you couldn’t hear him, your ears ringing with anger at the psychotic look on Abby’s face and Joel’s helpless face. Your entire body shook in tremors, you grabbed your gun and fired a shot directly into Abby’s kneecaps. Abby howled in pain, falling next to Joel and Owen rushed to stop you but Manny pushed him away, “Don’t fucking touch them”, pointing a finger at him and coming over to stand in front of you. “Hey, angel? You’re okay? Oh my god, I-”, Manny’s voice cracked and he tried to hold you but you pushed past him to get to Ellie.

“Get your fucking hands off her, Nora”, you threatened Nora with your gun to her head. She looked at Manny and he seemed to have nodded his head and released Ellie, who rushed into your arms. You held her by her shoulders and approached Joel, who was now shakily reaching for you and Ellie.

“Joel…oh my god. Joel. Get up, I’m here now. It’s okay, you got us, Pops”, you offered him a weak smile and he simply whimpered in response. Your lips quivered and Ellie let out a cry before holding Joel’s hand in hers, trying to comfort him. Your eyes then fell on Abby, writhing next to Joel in pain and you clenched your jaw shut before crouching in front of her. You stared at her in disgust. “A coward and a fraud, just like your father, aren’t you?”, you snarled and she stared you down with her bloodshot eyes.

You waved her off and stood up, facing the rest of them and that’s when you finally noticed him- standing next to Owen, his eyes shining with tears and his cheeks splotched with red, his curls were longer now, yet he still looked handsome as ever. He still looked like your Manny and then you remembered the way he had tackled Ellie.

You made your way over to him and harshly fisted the collar of his jacket, your eyes bloodshot with tears and hands shaking in anger. “You…asshole. How dare you touch my sister like that? How could you betray me like this? Why?”, you cried out and released his collar forcefully.

“(Name), please-” “I cried for you. Every single day for the last five years. And he”, you pointed at Joel, “he was the one who reassured me that you’d come back. He was the one who took me in like his own. He was the one who gave my a family. And you…you cowards were cornering an old man to kill him off in a secluded lodge? For whom? For Abby’s fraud of a father?”, you growled, your voice hoarse from the tears you were shedding. “Some fucking friendship you have that you can’t even hold your friend accountable”, you turned around to address them all. Manny averted his gaze in shame, Mel was crying her eyes out, Owen and Nora had the decency to lower their gaze.

“You’ve always been the odd one in the group-”

“Oh, shut the fuck up before I put another bullet in you”, you roared at Abby, shutting her up effectively. And then your eyes fell on another body lying on the ground- Dina. “What the hell did you do to her?!”, you cried out before making your way to Dina and placed her head in your lap. “She’s- she’s just unconscious, I promise. It’s just a sedative”, Mel explained to you in between sobs. You trusted Mel so you nodded your head and removed your jacket before folding it and placing it under Dina’s head, running a hand over her beanie covered head.

You made your way back to Joel, sitting next to his head, rubbing a soothing hand over his shoulder. You couldn’t look at his mangled face without bursting in tears so you chose to look at Abby and channelled your anger and pain towards her. “I’m giving you a choice. You’re either gonna leave with the rest of them peacefully or you’re gonna make it difficult and get a bullet in your heads, each”, you threatened her and looked straight into her eyes before diverting your gaze to look at Manny, who looked like he was fighting with himself.

Abby looked at you in agitation and spoke up, “I’m not leaving before I end this-”, you cut her off and fired another shot, this time on the same arm that was punching Joel. She screamed in pain once again. Owen rushed over to support her and you noticed Manny clenching his hands into fists to stop himself from joining Owen, knowing it’d make you more upset.

You smirked at that, “I warned you, didn’t I? Yet, you chose to do this. And yet, I was waiting for you to come to me, had a whole house picked out for us and everything. I was stupid and I still am, stupid”, you let out a maniacal chuckle which made Manny and Ellie look at you in worry.

“(Name), hey, that’s enough. We- we’ll leave. Please. Stop this”, Owen placated. You turned to look at him, a crazed look in your eyes. “You better leave, because god forbid she is in front of me any longer…I don’t think any of you will be walking out of this room, alive.” Owen swallowed thickly and ordered the others to start packing their stuff.

He picked up Abby in his arms and she struggled against him, hurling loose threats towards you, Joel and Ellie. “I’ll fucking find you, and end the three of you. All at once. Slowly, just like I did to him-”

“I’d like to see you try, Abby. I’ll be waiting for you”, you replied nonchalantly, her threats mere words for you and shifted your focus towards Joel and Ellie. Owen shook his head and carried Abby out of the room, Mel and Nora quickly following him.

Manny was frozen to his spot. “Manny?”, Nora asked him, breaking him out of his trance. His jaw was clenched so tightly that his cheeks were shaking, wet from tears that he didn’t know he shed. He swallowed thickly, all of your memories together rushing through his mind and your agonised face haunting him. He had barely survived these 5 years, believing you to be dead after the first. He decided to push forward like a robot, his face and body devoid of any emotions. Your scarf had lost your scent after the first month apart and he had a breakdown because of that. The more he thought of it, the more he knew that he wanted to stay back with you. He’d do what he had promised himself 5 years ago- beg on his knees for your forgiveness.

Part 3

-

AN: sooo originally it was supposed to end here, but I’ve got too many ideas for their patch up. So strap in! 👀

tag list: @taylorsroxy @parkersjoy @aomi-recs @serendipity-29 @lucycarlisleswife @laurenjbb @onmyknees4kai @groovycass @spideybrie @yvonne-dump @monselxo @this-girl-is-tired

(sorry if some of y’all didn’t get tagged!)

[hannie-dul-set]

나비 / NABI — [preview].

SYNOPSIS. in which you’re trying your damned best to willfully ignore your feelings for your friend of over twenty years, but— as always— life seems to have a different plan paved out for you.

PAIRING. choi beomgyu x female! reader. GENRE. childhood friends to not quite friends (derogatory) to not quite friends (endearment) to lovers, romance, humor, hurt/comfort but more on comfort, coming of age, slowburn, college! au, “it’s always been you” trope, pining, tons of denial, beomgyu is the only man ever, featuring a large ensemble of idols from various groups. WARNINGS. swearing, mentions of sex, hospital scare, ghosting, rumors as a plot device, what may be considered as bullying, mc refuses to monologue about her feelings, the works. WORD COUNT. preview: 1.2k words | full fic: est. 30k.

RELEASE DATE. end of may or within the month of june. TAGLIST. send an ask/dm/reply to be added.

NOTE. this is a sequel to 모기 / MOGI. remember when i said i wasn’t planning on writing a part two to this? haha, remember? well, this might be my best work yet gosh darn, life works in mysterious ways! i poured my entire fucking soul into this! 

something i’d like to mention is that i’ve already planned out this entire sequel before beomgyu’s sukidakara cover came out, before i revisited his other two covers. the timing was crazy because there’s three major arcs to this fic— and somehow, all three songs fit the themes. really really well i started crying at some point HAHAHAHAHHA. there’s so much i want to say about this story, but i’ll bite my tongue until its release. enjoy!

preview under the cut.

YOU STILL DON’T LIKE CHOI BEOMGYU. Ever since you and he reconciled and publicly became friends again, your life has never known quiet— all thanks to the countless insects constantly buzzing around him, and by consequence around you, every damn day. And it’s not like you can keep avoiding him. Choi Beomgyu has made the executive decision to take advantage of the guilt you’ve been feeling, so for the past month, you’ve been a slave to his whims. 

Responding to 3AM ice cream runs even though you’re swamped with assignments. Going to parties hosted by people you don’t know the fucking names of because he keeps calling you a boring loser. And, the cherry on top, having to deal with Lee Heeseung’s even more annoying presence, just like how you’d predicted he’d behave if he ever finds out you and Beomgyu are friends.

Which he did. Much to your despair and agony.

“Beomgyu, your girlfriend’s here to see you.”

Case in point. You spare him nothing but an eye roll when he lets you in the clubroom for the, ahem, coding club. You’re here because Beomgyu texted you to fetch him a matcha latte and since you’re playing as his slave at the moment (and until your patience runs out), you obliged out of the kindness of your heart, only to get a truckload of teasing in return.

“Oh, hey, what’s up,” Yeonjun throws you a peace sign from their worn out sofa by the door the moment you enter. He’s accompanied by a good number of chip bags on the cushions.

“Hey,” Hanbin greets you as well when you pass by their alleged meeting table. Which, by the way, has stacks of leftover takeout containers and some empty, some half-empty plastic jugs of water. “Beomgyu is on the computer.”

“Thanks,” you tell him. This clubroom is a fucking gremlin hole.

“You know what.” Your path towards Choi Beomgyu is interrupted by Hyunjin, suddenly popping out of the half-wall separating the lounge area from the computers at the back. You jump, because what the fuck? “My heart races everytime you come here. I still get flashbacks from the day you threatened to wreck our safe haven. I think you gave me PTSD.”

Ah, yes. That day. That was eventful. It was the first time you’ve seen Choi Beomgyu cry.

“Serves you right, gossip snorter,” you say. “Out of the way, I have business to deal with.”

Hyunjin indeed gets out of your way, and there he reveals a row of four computers lined up against the wall with their assigned nerds mashing on the keyboards and yelling profanities at matching game screens. You zero in on the one on the far left corner. Surprisingly, Beomgyu is relatively calm compared to the others. You tap on his shoulder. Beomgyu turns his head around.

“Oh,” he says, pulling his office chair back from out of the desk with a swivel while removing the headphones from his ears and letting them rest around his neck. You notice Jeongin seated beside him, who looks up at you only for a moment only to flinch back to the screen. “You’re here?”

No, shit. You jangle the latte in front of his face, head cocked, and he reaches out for it. But then you quickly jerk back your hand before he can snatch it from you. “Nuh-uh. Pay up.”

“Tch,” Beomgyu clicks his tongue and shoots you a bitter look. “Hyung, can you toss me my jacket?”

Someone from behind does indeed toss him his jacket, and at that very moment as well, Heeseung decides that it’s a great time to indulge in his newly founded hobby. “Hey, how about me? Why didn’t you get me a drink?” He joins the already crowded crevice in the back and swings an arm around your shoulder. “You get a boyfriend and forget all your friends. Have you forgotten that you two got together because of me? I’m hurt, I’m so hurt.”

Your face scrunches up. “Literally, how many times do I have to tell you he’s not my boyfriend.” You elbow Heeseung off, eliciting another whine from him. When your eyes snap back at Beomgyu, you see that he’s preoccupied with going through wallet. You kick his chair. “Say something, dipshit.”

Beomgyu hands you a bill and exchanges it with the matcha latte. You wait for him to speak. He takes a long sip, pulls his face away from the straw with a grimace, hands back the drink to you, then says, “What she said.”

You look at him, drink now back in your hands.

“What the fuck?”

“Keep it,” he says, putting his headphones back on. “Don’t you have class?”

Your jaw clenches. Fucker made you run an errand for nothing. He gives you an asshat smile of goodbye then spins his chair back to his computer. You scoff and smack the back of his head, causing his headphones to slip off. “Bye.”

“Hey!”

“Later,” Heeseung bids you off, and it’s followed by a chorus of goodbyes from the inhabitants of the testosterone infested, stinky gamer cave. Seriously, every time you drop by here,, you feel an ounce of your soul shriveling up and rotting away. Yeonjun very politely opens the door for you. You hear one of them yell out before you leave.

“Come over tomorrow. Hanbin hyung’s treating us to pizza!”

And with that, you’re finally free, matcha latte in hand and a desire to breathe in some fresh air. You’re pretty sure the air is polluted in there. But still, it’s been a lot easier to breathe recently than when you two weren’t on good terms.

“Saved you a seat.”

You make it to class two minutes before the schedule. Minjeong proudly taps on the seat next to her, and you take the invitation. “As you should,” you hum, taking out your notes from your bag, and not long after Sungchan arrives and lands on the spot next to you.

It’s the week before finals. Prof Shin starts the class and decides to fuck all of your study schedules by giving a last minute assignment due next week as well. 

“Does this guy want to give us depression before the summer or some shit?” Minjeong complains the moment your professor leaves the lecture hall.“I swear to god, if another prof gives us an assignment due over the break, I’m killing myself.”

“You two have plans over the break?” asks Sungchan, slinging his backpack over his shoulder and the three of you head out for lunch, funneling out into the hallway along with the rest of your blockmates.

“I’m going home,” says Minjeong.

“I have summer classes,” you answer..

Sungchan stops in his tracks. “You serious?” 

“Yup.”

“You bet on it.”

He looks at the both of you like you’re a bunch of withering old ladies and he’s very much unimpressed. “Make some time for the last week. I’m throwing the wildest summer rager and you two can’t miss it.”

You’re pretty sure you replied with something along the lines of an agreement, but you’re not quite sure. The thought completely slips out of your head throughout the next week because, well, finals. And before you know it, your first semester of uni comes to a close, and summer comes crashing in at full swing.

나비 / NABI. © hannie-dul-set, 2024.

[wintaerbaer]

things we don't say: part 6 (TEASER) (kth)

banner credit: @itaeewon

summary: Three years after graduating college, everything seems to be falling into place for you: stable job, cozy apartment, and a long-term boyfriend with a ring box hidden in his desk drawer. But when a mutual friend makes a remark that your best friend of nearly two decades is clearly in love with you, you realize that life may not be as simple as it seems.

pairing: Taehyung x Reader (with some VERY brief Seokjin x Reader and Yoongi x Reader)

rating: 18+ (MINORS DNI)

genres: best friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, slooooow burn, angst, fluff

word count: 1.2k

teaser warnings: a very sad boy, references to sexual situations, brief mentions of child abuse, vomiting, someone has a wet dream, guilt, shame, a haircut

a/n: sincerest apologies that this series has gone so long without an update. i was struggling with some aggressive writer's block these past few months, but i think we're back in business! <3

PREVIOUS // SERIES MASTERLIST

To say he falls into a state of depression may be an understatement.

He barely eats, barely sleeps, and while Taehyung has always considered you to be the center of his universe—his entire being oriented to you like a star—you’ve begun to haunt him in ways that you never have before. Reminders of you creeping into every minute of his days.

It’s passing your favorite ramen place on his way home from a photoshoot. Or finding a can of your favorite sparkling water buried in the back of his fridge. Or flipping past the cooking show you used to watch together or stumbling upon one of your sweatshirts in his closet or the fact that he still has that damn photo of you hanging up behind his desk.

You’re everywhere—your being so deeply ingrained into his life that he couldn’t erase you even if he wanted to.

And he certainly doesn’t want to erase you; he’s too selfish for that. Even now, even after he’s fucked up to catastrophic degrees by forcing his feelings on you, he still can’t bear to face you directly. Because he knows it would be the end of him for you to reject and abandon him too, even if he can’t blame you for it.

It keeps him up at night, thinking about what he could’ve done differently. How he somehow lost his handle on the control which he has always internally prided himself on (sans a drunken conversation with Namjoon last year where he spilled his guts as was met with a lack of surprise on his friend’s part). He’s always promised himself that he would never burden you, that his love for you was not your responsibility but something for him to manage on his own.

And yet, with you sitting so close on the hotel bed—looking absolutely beautiful in your simple PJs even after he spent the day with you all dressed up—his defenses had crumbled the second you pressed into his side and asked him the final question of your fateful game.

How could he not kiss you then? How could he not give you what you asked of him when he wouldn’t hesitate to lay down his very life if you required it?

But still, he spends hours each night staring at the white expanse of his ceiling wishing he had held back like he always did. Years spent training himself to resist the way his blood calls out for you reduced to naught the second he got his first taste of your lips. And now you likely hate him.

And as if it’s not enough for his brain to put him through this nightly torture, the guilt eating him alive, when he finally does manage to scrounge up a few hours of sleep, there’s the matter of the dreams.

He revisits the hotel room every night. Can taste you again, hear your moans, feel your mouth on him and your warm skin underneath his hands as his mind drags him back through every minute detail on a loop. It’s agony, having to both wrangle with the knowledge of how it felt to be with you as well as face his sins every time he closes his eyes. Realize just how badly he fucked up when he wakes to once again find the other half of his bed empty.

Because in spite of him spending years convincing himself that you were never meant to be, there’s still a small part of Taehyung’s subconscious that’s always carved out space for you in his life. It’s the part that stocks your favorite drinks in his fridge, keeps that photo of you pinned behind his computer, leaves a side of the bed open for you because he became so damn accustomed to sleeping next to you in high school.

He’d found that the bruises from his father didn’t hurt as much when you were sitting next to him making him laugh in your bedroom. That his brain would quiet enough from the terrors to allow him to sleep if you were there lying next to him. That he didn’t feel the dull pain, only the gentle touches of your fingers, as you carefully applied makeup onto the dark patches of skin before school.

It had been easy, then, to dedicate himself to providing you with the same support and care you had shown him in any way he could. To wish for your happiness above all else—his guardian angel through and through.

At least, that is, until he lost control in that hotel room.

One night, after a particularly vivid dream involving your body under his, he awakes to sheets that are soaked around his middle. He blanches at the evidence of his body’s desire for you even now, the horror at the audacity of his unconscious mind causing bile to churn and rise in his throat.

He bolts for the bathroom, barely making it there before he empties the contents of his stomach into the toilet. His body shakes as he retches above the porcelain, guilt rattling his bones until he can hardly keep himself upright.

When the waves of nausea stop, when he can finally pull himself up to lean his elbows against the sink, he stares hard at the mirror and man he sees there.

He looks haggard, dark splotches sitting under his eyes and hair hanging limp around his face and over his forehead. The pale skin of his cheeks and lips is surely due, in part, to the vomiting, but there’s no denying that he’s a shell of his former self. A ghost just going through the motions of a past life.

And it’s there, peering through the darkness at his own reflection, that Taehyung decides he hates himself.

He’s not sure if it’s the raw disgust or the unrelenting shame that has him reaching for the hair clippers, but as his sable tresses begin to fall in chunks over the bathroom counter and floor, Taehyung thinks he deserves this.

He deserves the torment of his dreams. That disturbing combination of his wildest fantasies and nightmares rolled into one.

He deserves to wake up alone. To be reminded of his transgressions at the break of each day.

And he deserves to lose you.

Hell, he never deserved to have you.

The silence that follows the buzz of the trimmer seems at odds with the roaring in his head. Still, he manages to scoop the mess of hair into the trash before dragging himself back to the tangle of his sheets.

He finds himself right back in that cursed hotel room.

When he shuffles into the living room the next morning, still fighting the lingering tastes of bile and your lips, Jungkook and Jimin are already awake at the kitchen bar drinking coffee. They freeze at the sight of him; the pastry that Jimin was halfway to putting in his mouth hits the ground with a thud as Jungkook lets out a low whistle and simply shakes his head.

“That bad, huh?”

a/n: may or may not go back and revise this again for the final draft. in the meantime, a reminder that my ask box is always open! <3

[serasarahhhh]

Author: Maxine Pairings: DekuBaku Rating: Explicit Chapters: 1/1 - COMPLETE Word Count: 5,515 Notes: Written for the @dkbkexchange! A/B/O, alpha/alpha, mpreg. Summary: At nearly thirty years old, Katsuki thinks he might finally be ready to start having kids.

Izuku's ready, as well. Hell, he's BEEN ready.

Now they just need to get on the same page about how exactly they're going to do that. ~~~~~ PREVIEW “Okay. Okay!” If Izuku’s smile grows any wider, it’s going to stretch right off his face. He looks so excited that Katsuki almost feels bad it’s taken him so much longer to get here. Izuku’s been understanding, though. And patient. He’s good like that. “So, we need a donor, then–”

“No. Izuku,” Katsuki cuts in. “Part you and part me. Not part you OR part me.”

Izuku stares at him.

Katsuki stares steadily back.

And after a moment, Izuku slumps a bit. “Kacchan… If you’re trying to buy more time, you can just say that. I don’t want to rush you.”

“Who’s buying time?!” Katsuki demands, scowling. “I’m serious.”

“We’re both alphas,” Izuku says slowly, as though he’s worried Katsuki has somehow momentarily forgotten that.

“Yeah, and?”

Izuku lets out an exasperated sound. “And the chances for a male alpha to conceive are crazy low!”

“Like one in a thousand or something.” Katsuki arches his eyebrows. “I know.”

He looked it up at one point maybe a year ago. Purely out of curiosity.

Who knew he’d actually do something with that information eventually?

“You really want to try it that way?” Izuku asks.

“Worth a shot.” Katsuki gives a one-shouldered shrug and then shoots Izuku a leering sort of grin. “Maybe I just think you’d look really damn cute all round and shit.”

Izuku barks out a sudden, loud laugh. “Me? That’s a pretty bold assumption.”

Oh.

Surprise flashes across Katsuki’s face before his expression twists with uncertainty. “Well, I wouldn’t–”

He pauses.

Okay. Yeah, that was unfair. They’re both alphas, even if Izuku can sometimes pass for an omega when they’re off the battlefield. He’s calmer, more gentle. Not your typical brazen knothead. Even his scent is less oppressive than most of the alphas Katsuki knows – it’s soothing, crisp cleanliness and refreshing pine.

They smell like a campfire burning in a forest when they’re together. Late at night, far away under the stars, smoke wisping through the trees.

It’s one of Katsuki’s favorite things.

“I mean. I guess I could…” Katsuki trails off. His nose scrunches. “Shit, I didn’t think about it the other way.”

“You’d better,” Izuku says, snorting. “I’m willing, but you have to be, too.”

Katsuki huffs. “Fine,” he mutters. “We can take turns trying, I guess.”

“Every other month?”

“Yeah. That way we don’t both end up knocked up at the same time.”

“I think you’re really overestimating the likelihood of either of us getting pregnant,” Izuku says dryly. He reaches out to squeeze Katsuki’s knees. “We can give it a year. Okay? If it doesn’t happen by then, can we revisit the idea of a surrogate?”

“Sure.” Katsuki curls his hands around Izuku’s wrists. “Sounds like a plan. I don’t wanna make you wait too much longer.”

“We’ll have to go off suppressants.” Izuku’s brows pinch inward. “Geez, I can’t even remember the last time I had a full rut.”

“Not since we opened the agency, I think,” Katsuki says.

“If we stop right away…” Izuku tips his head, thinking. “It’ll probably be about two weeks before one of us starts to rut? Maybe three. Or – how do you want to do it? Who should go first, should we flip a coin?”

“Nah.” Katsuki bares his canine teeth as he grins, eyes going sharp and heated. “We can fight it out.” Continue reading at AO3. COMPLETE!

[oddsnendsfanfics]

We're All Gonna Be All Right

Genre: Fan Fiction (The Last Kingdom)

Pairing: Finan/OFC

Warnings: Death, Blood, Mentions of Abuse

Rating: G

Length: Short Story

Disclaimer: a strict work of fiction, I own nothing except the original characters and the plot line. In no way am I affiliated to any of it.  

A/N: Back in 2019 I wrote We All Need Something to Hold On To and We're All Broken Pieces six years on, we revisit those characters. We catch up with Uhtred, Sihtric, Sibbe, Finan, and even Osferth.

Final Piece We All Have Someone to Love

The Last Kingdom Master List

“There's been an accident.” Sihtric's cracking voice burned into her ears. The words registered far too slowly for Sibbe to react before he spoke again. “It was Gisela. You need to come home right now, Sibbe.”

Six years to the day, Sibbe had remembered the phone call from her twin brother Sihtric. The first thing he had said, no pleasantry. Sibbe's blood had ran cold and her heart stopped, when Sihtric had told her to come home right away. Gisela, the wife of their dearest friend Uhtred had been hit by a drunk driver.

Tossing and turning in bed, Sibbe sat up, her hair damp as sweat caressed her body. Looking around the dark room, she blinked hard, trying to keep the tears under control. Despite her best efforts, Sibbe could never keep the tears at bay when she had this dream. It was always the same, Sihtric was on the other end of the line and the walls around Sibbe would begin to crumble, if she stayed asleep the floor would drop from beneath her leaving her in a black abyss. If she woke, it was to erratic breathing, hot tears, and her heart wanting to pound from her chest.

The beautiful and vibrant Gisela was reduced to a shadow in her daughter's eyes, Stiorra was nearly eleven now. Funny how time moved so quickly, yet stayed still.

Sibbe was certain that just yesterday she had laid in bed with Uhtred, allowing him to hold her, to grieve and pretend whatever it was he needed to dream in order to sleep. Their routine had gone on for nearly three weeks. Each night she would arrive to a quiet house. Uhtred's adopted sister, Thyra and her husband Beocca had taken turns with their brother Ragnar and his wife, Brida, swapping Uhtred's three children until their father was ready to care for them.

Sibbe would set up making dinner and forcing Uhtred to eat. Once he was ready, she'd follow him to bed, allowing him to sob in her arms while she tried her best to fill whatever his heart was missing. Perhaps she had been wrong in such a gesture, but he had been so broken and it was the only way she could think to make it better. Somehow, Sibbe had felt he was filing a void for her as well. She had been lost at the time, trying to figure out who she was and what her purpose had been.

Grief had a funny process. Her brother Sihtric was well aware, for when their mother had died, he'd lost everything. Sibbe had been his only reason to live, yet here they were nearly twenty years later.

In the present moment, Sibbe sat in her bed, soaked in sweat, silent sobs choking through her body. Six years could change a lot in a person's life. It could shape and reshape you without so much as a second glance. Twenty years could do that even more. Here she was, in the dark of the night, not the same girl she'd been when she'd lost her mother or even the woman she was when Gisela had passed.

“Sibbe?”

“Hmm?” The hushed voice startled her.

“Are you okay, mo chroi?” He'd woke when she flew out of her dream, as if possessed. Laying quietly in the dark, allowing her whatever moments she needed to herself before he spoke. She was his heart and he hated that she was having these dreams again.

“I am, I will be. I just...I had another bad dream.” Her smile was weak in the dark, eyes rimmed with tears. “It's nothing, go back to sleep, min elskede.”

“Is it...is it Gisela?”

If it wasn't Gisela then it was her mother. Sihtric had once confessed to him that every night he closed his eyes, the first thing he would see was his mother laying on the living room floor. He'd run to her, as he had, but in his dream he could never get close enough to hold her dying body. Sibbe would often dream of her mother in an unearthly form, calling to her, arms stretched out, yet Sibbe never reached her. It tore him apart that he couldn't save the twins from such a fate.

“I'm afraid so. It's been six years today.” She spoke to the dark shadow laying in bed beside her. Rubbing her hands over her swollen midsection, Sibbe wished she could blame this pregnancy, yet the dreams had happened every year since Gisela had passed.

“It doesn't seem real.”

“No.” Sibbe shook her head. “I'll call Sihtric and Osferth in the morning, ask if they want to come to dinner. We can invite Uhtred as well.”

“Do you think he will come?”

“I think so.”

“I hope he does, I can't stand another year of watching him go through this. Not today.”

“I know, Finan. I know.” Her voice soft in the dark, finding Finan's hand, she kissed it gently. “Go back to sleep.”

“How can I sleep, when I know that you're sitting here in tears?” He sat up next to Sibbe. An arm around her, he pulled her closer kissing the top of her sweaty hair. “I don't want you to be chasing ghosts. Not like this. You need to rest, our babe needs his mama to rest.”

Seventeen years ago, a terrified, yet hopeful sixteen year old, sable haired, girl had followed her hard-hearted twin brother into Finan's apartment. Barely nineteen, Finan had been on his own for the first time, allowing these two to lie about their age to sign a rental contract with him. At the time he had thought he was crazy, somehow this was going to blow up and get them all in trouble. Now, many laughs and more than enough tears, he laid here with his wife in his arms.

They had married four years ago, a small ceremony with only their closest friends, their chosen family, in attendance. Sihtric had teased them about being married in a church, he had teased his sister since they were kids about her unwavering Christian faith. Finan would take the ribbing, all in good stride, because he knew Sihtric had his own beliefs to work out, never saying these thing to his twin to harm or shame her. Nobody cared for Sibbe the way her Sihtric did.

Finan's closest friend, outside of Sihtric, had married them. Osferth had been delighted when they'd asked. Ordaining himself through some website that Thyra had helped him find. Sibbe had worn her mother's favourite locket, the only thing left from their childhood, Sihtric had saved it when he had convinced Sibbe to run away from home with him at sixteen. Running with nothing more than a suitcase of clothing, their mother's locket, and a bible.

At the ceremony, Sihtric had given his twin's hand over to Finan – with the strict promise that if he ever hurt her, Sihtric would kick his Irish ass. Finan had spent years protecting the most precious creature he had ever laid eyes on, he would kick his own ass before hurting her. Resting his arm around her midsection, Finan smiled in the dark feeling their son moving around in his safe haven.

“See mama, he wants you to sleep.” A sleepy Irish accent breaking the silence that had fell, he pressed a kiss to her temple, his beard scratchy but she didn't mind.

Their son would be making his entrance into the world in less than six weeks. It had been a roller coaster of emotions, finding out that she had been pregnant. Sihtric had always known he wanted children, which was a proud moment for him and his wife the day their son was born, then two years later their daughter. Sibbe was never confident that she would be a good mother. Finan had his own reservations, being kicked out of his family home as as teenager, his confidence on being a father was even less than the confidence Sibbe had.

Seeing the two pink lines, three years into their marriage, had been nerve wracking. Somehow they had avoided this situation, until someone somewhere had decided now was the time to send them their first – possibly only – child. Unlike the men they had grown up with as their fathers, Sibbe knew that Finan would be a fantastic father. She had watched him with his chosen nieces and nephews. He was astounding with children, they loved him and his natural comedic character. He would never be violent or mistreat them, or her.

“Hold me?” Sibbe requested, settling back in bed, laying on her side, she smiled when Finan slid his body against hers. His beard tickling, when he kissed he shoulder.

“Always,” Finan whispered, his body warm and safe. He was her safe haven, he was her anchor. “I will never let you go, nor will I ever let you hurt, my dear sweet Sibbe.”

Secure in Finan's embrace, Sibbe laid staring into the darkness. As soon as she could, she would send out the invites to the last minute dinner. She yearned to have her friends – her family – together. Sharing in stories of the past and the present, perhaps this would be one of the only times they would be able to gather before she and Finan welcomed their own little one into the mismatched family they held so dear.

Upon finding out they were expecting, Finan had nearly fell over when Sibbe told him the news. When they'd found out their first child was to be a boy, he'd nearly broke his neck racing to tell his friends. Without a doubt this child would be loved, Finan had already decided that his second name would be Sihtric. After his uncle. He and Sibbe had yet to agree on a first name.

“We will know his name, when we meet him.” Sibbe would declare, while Finan tried to urge her into picking a name.

“Sibbe Elflaeddottir, we need a name for the wee lad.” Finan would tease her before throwing out a name that he knew his wife would never agree to. One thing Finan had demanded of his wife was that they not give their boy his family name. Finan would not curse his son to that. He was to be dubbed Sibbesson, for the strength of his mother.

Before marrying Finan, Sibbe had taken the name Elflaeddottir, erasing as much of Kjartan from her life as she could. The final decision had came when Ragnar informed the twins that their older brother Sven was being trialed for a multitude of crimes. Wanting to preserve their mother's legacy and get as far away as possible from anything that could soil her memory, Sihtric agreed to change his name as well. Five years ago, Sibbe Elflaeddottir and Sihtric Elflaedsson emerged.

Lost in her thoughts, Sibbe could see the sky lighten through the small cracks in the blinds. Arms encasing her, Finan had gone back to sleep – his snores were enough to wake the dead.

Unable to lie still another moment longer, Sibbe slipped from her husband's embrace. A small kiss on his cheek, she groaned as her feet hit the floor. Her body aching and her mind restless. Phone in hand, doing her best to quietly waddle her way down the flight of stairs, she huffed as her foot hit the floor. Their son was making those stairs more difficult each day, she could not wait for him to be here – allowing Finan to carry, literally, some of the weight.

The sun now rising over the tree tops, Sibbe sent a text, knowing that at least one person in the group would be awake, if Uhtred had slept at all this week. Informing her that he would be there, Uhtred was glad for the company. His children spending the day with his adopted parents, Ragnar, Sr and Sigrid.

Half of Sibbe wanted to get in the car and drive the fifteen minutes to Uhtred, to tell him everything would be okay, to hold him and let him cry. No, she was being silly. He didn't need her to hold his hand. She wasn't to be his caretaker or his babysitter, time and time again Uhtred had made that clear to her. She needed to let him live his life, because she needed to live hers.

Sibbe would carry enough emotional pain for the world, if she thought that she could. Finan had always admired her strength and her willingness to care for each and every one of her friends as if she were their own mother. In the morning light, she sat at the kitchen table, watching the sun creep over the cluster of trees in their back yard. Finan had picked this house, wanting a big yard, with shade but enough sun to light up their world the way his wife lit his.

Staring at the trees in the yard, Sibbe smiled at the birds flirting around. Finan had put several feeders around the yard, along with four flower beds, because Sibbe loved flowers. They were one of life's best joys. Absentmindedly rubbing her growing bump, she hummed softly in the still morning. Through all of the tears, the grief, and the nightmares Sibbe had been doing her best to remind herself - this was a happy time. Each time she saw Finan's face brighten with joy at the thought of their son, or the way he would find any excuse to kiss his wife. Seeing Sihtric and his family, the way his wife and children loved him. Uhtred and his children, the pride that he held for those three young humans. It made Sibbe's heart swell, there was a love that she couldn't explain, the way it filled her with pure elation.

Darkness always gave way to the light.

Sibbe's quiet moment was happily interrupted when she heard the soft familiar thump of Finan's feet on the stairs. Now that Finan was awake, their day would fall into the comfortable routine. Finan would refuse to let Sibbe do anything for herself, even before she had gotten pregnant, her husband wanted to worship her like a Goddess. Doting on her and living up to his promise, he would give her everything and she would want for nothing. He would be so loving that she'd get sick of him waiting on her every whim.

Life with Finan was never boring. Had Sibbe known his feelings, she could have saved years of dating losers, men who were boring or boastful for the wrong reasons. Sihtric had hated each and every man his twin had dated in the past. Gods help them, if any of them so much as harmed a hair on her head, he'd go to jail happily.

Time wore on, Finan insisting that Sibbe not exert herself. Sibbe would roll her eyes and huff, insisting that her husband worried too much. She was capable of tidying the house and helping him prep for their dinner. Not once did Finan take his attention away from his wife, watching her like a hawk watched it's dinner right before it would strike. He wished she would take this last stage of her pregnancy easy, but who was he kidding? Sibbe had never taken the easy road a day in her life.

Giving in, around three hours before dinner was to be ready, Finan convinced Sibbe to sit and work on some flowers for the table. She'd been outside picking flowers since noon, he could set her up to be comfortable while he prepared the meal. Sibbe had jokingly asked if he was okay to cook that much food, Finan was a fine cook but there was a reason Sihtric and Ealhswith had appointed him bar manager and not head chef at the Two Cranes.

A bag of potatoes on the counter top next to him, Finan fell into a lull, his knife skillfully grazing against the potato in his grasp, red peels falling into the bowl on the other side of him. Sibbe at the table humming some old hymn that he didn't know all of the words to, but he recognized. He loved listening to her hum or sing, when she worked or needed to relax her mind. He'd always loved her little quirks. For years Finan had wrestled with telling her how he felt, yet could never bring himself to do it.

It had been Gisela who had talked him into sharing his feelings with the woman he'd been secretly in love with for so many years.

Finan could remember it as if it happened yesterday, a few days before – before Gisela had passed, she and Uhtred had held one of their infamous bon fires. A party, just because. It had been Friday and they wanted to enjoy the upcoming weekend. Food, drink, music, and even a bit of mayhem was always on order. Next to the fire Finan had sat with his beer in hand, his dark eyes fixed on the small group across the way. Her sable curls were tied back in a blue bow, a touch she had added thanks to little Stiorra – she wanted her and Sibbe to be twins. He could remember her crisp green jumper and black sweat pants, these parties were always a come as you were affair. She was laughing and attempted to get Osferth to dance with her and another woman, Eadith. Bashful and shy, Osferth was not one to dance, yet Finan admired his attempt to humour the two women.

“Why don't you tell her?” Gisela held out a fresh bottle of beer to the Irishman. “She won't bite.” Sitting on the arm of the wooden chair Finan was perched in, she nudge his shoulder.

“Tell who what?” He accepted the drink, glancing at her as innocently as he could manage.

Gisela rolled her eyes and tisked. Men. Ugh, it was a good thing this crew was handsome, because otherwise each one was as hopeless as the next. Some days she would tease Uhtred that he and his friends shared one brain cell. According to Brida, it had been one exceptionally fried brain cell.

“Sibbe.”

“I don't...I couldn't...” Finan stammered shaking his head, rubbing his hand over his clean shaven cheek. “She's my best friend's sister.”

“So? Sihtric would understand.” Laughing, Gisela leaned over onto Finan, “He knows that his sister isn't a nun.”

“Perhaps, but no. I can't. I mean...I could. No. I don't like Sibbe that way.” It was as much as lie as anything.

“Finan, if you like her it's okay to tell her. Maybe she feels the same way?” Ruffling his hair like she would one of her young sons, Gisela kissed his cheek. “If she does, leave Sihtric to me. I can handle him.”

Finan had agreed to tell Sibbe how he felt, promising Gisela that he would do it before the next week's end. Except. He shivered despite the warm sun streaming through the window beside him. Telling Sibbe how he felt would have to wait nearly a year from that night. Less than a week later they had lost Gisela and Sibbe had thrown herself into helping Uhtred rebuild his life through the grief. For a while, Finan had secretly thought his friends would end up building a life together. The children loved Sibbe and Uhtred had relied on her more than anyone else after his wife's passing.

When Finan had finally told Sibbe how he felt, they had been at Thyra and Beocca's for a birthday party. They had gotten together, as a mismatched family, to celebrate Osbert – Gisela and Uhtred's youngest son. After the cake had been handed out and children scattering throughout the house, Finan volunteered himself and Sibbe to clean the kitchen. Handing her a dish to dry, he'd laid it all on the line. In the kitchen, her eyes cast to the tiled floor, Sibbe listened as Finan poured his heart to her. He'd loved her since the first time he'd heard her do that little snort laugh, the one she made when she found something really funny.

Sibbe wanted to crawl under a rock and hide, yet Finan insisted it was absolutely charming and asked her on a date for the following night. A proper date, at an actual restaurant. He had even agreed to comb his hair and wear cologne.

“Oh! Oh goodness.” Sibbe's surprised squeal jerked Finan back to the present moment.

“Mo chroi? What is it?” He dropped the knife he'd been using to peel potatoes, rushing to her side. Kneeling down beside where she sat on the kitchen chair, his hand covered hers. “Are you okay? Do we need to go to...”

“I'm fine, min elskede.” She patted her hand gently against his bushy beard. “Your son just surprised me, I wasn't expecting him to try and play rugby in there.”

“Hey, you be nice wee man. Your mama is a delicate lady.” Finan beamed, rubbing her midsection as he spoke.

“I'm not that delicate.” Sibbe huffed, sticking her tongue out at her husband. “But you're right, I would appreciate it if he wasn't kicking his way out just yet.”

Kissing her cheek, Finan rubbed her lower back. Sibbe groaned, the gesture felt like heaven. “Why don't you grab your book, then rest until guests arrive.”

“But I wanted to finish my flowers,” gesturing to the bouquet on the table, Sibbe frowned. “I am okay, Finan, I promise. Besides,” Sibbe glanced at the clock on the wall, “guests will be here soon.”

To nobody's surprise, Osferth was the first to arrive. He was always early, because he insisted on always helping with whatever needed tending. Finan grabbed the younger man a drink, while Osferth admired Sibbe's flowers in the middle of the table. He was shy and came to join the group after Uhtred had accidentally mistaken his boss' son for a new employee at work one afternoon. Alfred hadn't been forthcoming about his first son, but Osferth would never hold that against him. It was complicated.

“Another kindred soul, join the club.” Finan had boomed, half in the bag, when Uhtred had first introduced Osferth to his friends. “What's the story? Orphan? Parents hate you?”

“My mother is dead, my father refuses to acknowledge me and,” Osferth shyly explained his story, “his wife hates me. Is that criteria to join the club?”

In the kitchen, Osferth helped Sibbe finish her flowers, moving the vase this way and that until it was perfect. She was about to make him move it another inch to the left when the front door opened, no need for knocking, as Sihtric shouted through the house. Elflaed squealed, shouting for her Uncle Finan, her small legs toddling through the entrance and into the kitchen. Intercepting his niece, Finan shouted with as much joy as the little girl in his arms. Sibbe's heart swelling at the love.

“Ealhswith sends her apologies, she got caught up at work. She may be late.” Sihtric informed Finan. His attention immediately turning to his twin. She was getting rounder every time he saw her. He couldn't wait to meet his nephew. “My dear sweet Sibbe,” her brother playful chide, opening his arms to his sister, “why are you cooking such a meal in this state?”

“Because I wanted us to be together, besides Finan is cooking.” Sibbe explained the situation, turning to hug her nephew who had disappeared to torment his Uncle Osferth.

“Call the fire department.” Shitric called out loud enough for Finan to hear him, “Good thing I am here.” he winked at Sibbe, he had always been a far better cook than Finan, even better than Sibbe. “I'm glad you called.”

“When I couldn't sleep, I...” “Gisela? The phone call?” Her brother finished her sentence. Sihtric's brow furrowed, his eyes growing dark. Sibbe sighed. Sihtric grabbed Sibbe's hand, kissing the back of it. “I had the same one. I relive that moment more than I ever care to admit.”

Sihtric had been the one, at thirteen, to tell Sibbe about their mother as well. She'd been late, staying at school to finish a project. He'd met her in the front yard, his clothes covered in blood. When she'd spotted him from down the street, she'd ran as fast as she could the wind burning her lungs. She could hear Sihtric's voice crying out as she reached him. “Mom, mom she's...I tried to save her, Sibbe.” Sihtric collapsed in his sister's arms. “I couldn't save her.”

“I relive a lot of moments no person should have to.” Shitric's voice barely a whisper, his sister holding his hand for comfort. Standing in the entrance of her home, Sibbe kissed her brother's cheek. Gently rubbing away her lipstick, just like her mom used to.

“I miss her, too.” Sibbe whispered.

Wiping the back of his hand across his eyes, Sihtric forced a smile, taking a deep breath. There was a time for sadness and right now, with his sister so close to giving birth to his nephew, was not that moment. They could turn to their grief after dinner, when the room grew quiet and nobody wanted to be the first to bring up a memory of Gisela, yet everyone would be eager to prattle on about how proud she would be of her children, while sharing stories from the past.

“Given the circumstances, is that husband of yours taking good care of you?” Sihtric took the moment to change the atmosphere, never giving up a chance to torment Finan.

“He is treating her like the Queen she is.” Finan shouted from the kitchen, his laugh hearty. “You do not need to kick me in the arse.”

“He is such an anxious mess.” Leaning closer to her Sihtric; Sibbe whispered with a giggle. “I hiccuped three days ago and he wanted to rush to the hospital.”

Sihtric laughed, his laugh lighting up the room in Sibbe's eyes. “It's natural for the first time.” He rubbed his hand across her back. “Shall I go help Finan? Save us all from under cooked meat and soggy vegetables?”

“Yes, I think that is a good idea. He won't let me near the stove.” Sibbe teased, linking arms with her brother, the strode into the kitchen.

Osferth greeted Sihtric, both of Sihtric's children hanging off of the younger man as if he were a jungle gym. Trying to remove his children from his friend, Sihtric shooed them both along, insisting they go run around the backyard until they were called to wash for dinner. Little good did it do, as soon as the two mini Sihtric's were out the door, Osferth was on their heels shouting something about a game of tag.

Diving right in, Sihtric moved Finan out of the way, taking over the kitchen – as they often did when together, the two men were playfully bickering over who had the better knowledge of the task at hand. How they ever managed to work together in the pub without driving their staff away, Sibbe would never understand. Their bickering always came from a place of love...well almost always.

Sibbe was trying to be stealthy in carrying a stack of plates to the table, not letting her brother or husband see her carrying anything, when the familiar blue car stopped at the end of the drive way. Peeking out from the dining room, Sibbe caught sight of the tired man at her front door. Much like Sihtric; he opened the door and stepped inside, calling out his presence.

“Uhtred.” Sibbe waddled towards him, her arms stretched out.

“Sibbe, the door was unlocked.” He pointed over his shoulder, holding out a small bouquet of flowers. “These are for you.” Accepting the flowers, Sibbe poked her nose into the bouquet, then sat them temporarily on a table in the hall.

“I am glad you came,” Sibbe moved her body to comfortably hug Uhtred. His blue eyes duller than she had seen them in a while. His hair once again long, tied back from his face, and his beard freshly trimmed. Uhtred was no longer the shell of a man that she'd once held six years ago.

“Thank you for asking.” He hugged her tightly, “I needed a distraction today. Now, tell me, my dear sweet Sibbe,” he smile genuine, “when do we get to meet this little one?”

“Hopefully soon, he is growing so big I am not sure I have room for my own body anymore.” Sibbe giggled, placing Uhtred's hand on top of her bump to feel the baby moving. “He's clearly excited to see his uncle Uhtred.”

The smile fading, Uhtred tried his best to fake another. His hand under Sibbe's, he could feel the baby. An all too familiar feeling, after having four children. In the moment, if Uhtred closed his eyes and focused hard, Sibbe's gentle touch could almost take him back to the first time he'd asked Gisela to feel their little one moving around. Uhtred had been terrified when Gisela had told him they were expecting their first son together. Uhtred's second child – his first son, from his first marriage, having passed at a very young age.

“Oswald would do that, he never stopped moving. Gisela used to say he was going to dance his way on out of there.”

“I remember.” Holding his hand, Sibbe squeezed it for comfort.

“Hmm, maybe your little one will do the same?” Holding her hand for a moment, Uhtred revelled in the feel of her hand in his. Her hands fitting his, almost, the way Gisela's had.

“Maybe.”

“Do you have a name yet?” He let go of Sibbe's hand, the fleeting feeling of Gisela moving further from his grasp with the gesture. A happier topic of conversation was in order.

Sibbe shook her head. “We can't seem to agree on a boy's name. Finan wants his middle name to be Sihtric. I am okay with that, Elflaed's middle name is Sibbe. So it's fair.”

“Name him Uhtred.” Uhtred teasingly nudged Sibbe in the side. “A good strong name.”

“Uh.” Sibbe smiled, seeing Uhtred's grief lift long enough to tease his friends.

“We are not naming our son after you, fuck no.” Finan laughed, pulling his friend into a tight hug, appearing from the kitchen. He trusted Sihtric enough to leave him for a few moments. “How are you? Really?”

“Annoyed that everybody has asked me that today. I am as good as I am going to be, given the day.” Uhtred replied, breaking Finan's embrace. “It never gets easier, but today it hurts a little more than usual.”

Finan gave a firm nod, understanding. No more asking, not another word of it. Slapping Uhtred on the shoulder, he kissed Sibbe's cheek, while going to check on his duties in the kitchen.

“I am glad that you came, I really am. Anything you or the kids need, you know that you can ask us.” She softly let her fingers trail against Uhtred's cheek.

“You understand that it goes two ways? When the little one gets here, anything, anything at all. I'm happy to help.” Uhtred leaned into her touch a little bit more than he'd consciously wanted.

“I know and we appreciate that.” Sibbe's smile was warm. “Finan loves you like a brother. Sihtric and I love you like our brother. You're not alone, Uhtred.” Her voice was always kind and her heart genuine. It was one of the things that annoyed Uhtred as a kid, the older they grew, the more he began to appreciate such things. “I should go help Finan, before he and Sihtric destroy my kitchen.”

“Sibbe,” Uhtred grabbed her hand, pulling her back to him. Her eyes searching his face, the emotions worn without a mask, “I wanted to thank you, for everything. For everything then and everything now. You are too good a woman and I truly do not deserve a friend like you. I um, I've been thinking about it, funny after all these years, but I know that Gisela and my son are here. I know that they are watching and I know that your mother is looking over you and Sihtric.”

“I am happy that you found them, Uhtred. I'm glad you can feel them.”

“Always.”

“Well, come on in. Dinner will be soon, you will need to eat and I happen to know Finan has the best ale the Two Cranes carries.” She chattered, leading Uhtred into the chaos of the kitchen.

His friends shouting and tormenting. Outside he could see Osferth chasing Sihtric's children around. If he stood for a second, taking a deep breath, and closing his eyes it was as if he was back in his own yard. A bon fire roaring, friends and family gathering around, food and drink, and Gisela with her arms around his neck as they sat in their favourite swing.

He would never have Gisela back, although he knew she would be proud. Proud of her husband, proud of her children, and proud of this collection of people who had come into their lives. Shaping and sharing in the joy and the sorrows, the people they had found solace and happiness in. The people who destiny had brought together, these were the people that had sworn their loyalty to one another. For better or worse, they would get through it. The demons, the joys, and whatever lie in-between.

tagging: @cacti123322 @deandoesthingstome @whenimaunicorn @ceridwenofwales @pokeasleepingsmaug @whitedarkmoonflower @rogers060967 @geekandbooknerd @tiyetiye @therealcalicali @sunshinepanic @captstefanbrandt @titty-teetee (people who read the originals *shrug*)

[popculturebuffet]

Kim Possible: So the Drama 20th Anniversary Review

Hello all you happy people! I'm.. so happy to finally get to cover this one. It's one I've wanted to for a while. I held off for a bit because I had it as a patreon stretch goal back when those existed, then when those went away with patreon's restructuring, I simply never found the room in the schedule.

This ended up working out wonderfully though as a few weeks ago marked the 20th anniversary of the film! Huzzah! I feel old! So it's the perfect time to revisit one of my faviorite disney films.

This isn't hyperbole: So the Drama is a wonderful film that perfeclty encapsulates everything that made it's parent show a classic: smart writing, relatable conflicts, stylish action and a stacked vocal cast at the top of their game. It's the peak of the mountain for a show that was already excellent while also being a great standalone. If you love the show, you'll love this. If you haven't heard of it it, it's a great intro.. while also being the intended series finale. Somehow it pulls it off.

For those less familiar with the show, Kim Possible is the story of or titular heroine, a mix of buffy and james bond, a superhero who armed only with exceptional martial arts and acrobatics skills and gadgets from her man in the chair wade fights all kinds of over the top super villians.. but struggling with day to day issues. It's a ballance a lot of shows struck, but one that works: Kim does the superhero stuff well, but struggles with the real world.

Serving as her perfect foil, Ron Stoppable is kim's best friend, sidekick and a teen who struggles everywhere, dosen't really care about his social status, and tends to panic in the high stress situations our heroes are in. Ron is a very shouty character, one who in the wrong hands could've been annoying.. but instead is just a relatable guy. Kim and Ron's dynamic reminds me of Scrooge McDuck and Donald Duck, if far less toxic and more supportive; one is this uber ace who has personal issues but can do most of what they set out to do, the other's a more average joe constantly dragged into danger but is far more capable and dangerous than he comes off as. Kim keeps ron safe and gives him an only friend, Ron unconditionally supports kim, gives her advice and often helps her get out of her own head. Add in 80 tons of over the top but funly campy super villains and you have yourself a perfect show.

So the Drama is something Schooley and McCorckle had in their back pocket since season 1. They weren't sure the show was going to be a hit and it's understandable: this was the first disney show in a LONG time that was created just for the Disney Channel and didn't have one Saturday morning as an on ramp. There was no telling how well it would take off or the network would treat it. So they wrote the finale movie early just in case, likely to air as a three parter.

Instead.. the series was an unquestionable success. Kim Possible remains one of Disney's most loved, popular and well respected shows. As a kid of the time I loved it, as an adult now it STILL held up when I rewatched a bunch a few years back. It's smart, stylish and funny. It was an easy hit and effortlessly made it to Disney's cap of 65 episodes. So the film was saved for the actual end of the series at the end of a short third season instead and when aired was a massive hit with audiences, me included. It was such a hit.. fans wanted MORE and in the only time in Disney history.. disney actually listened, giving the series a startlingly rare fourth season to follow up So the Drama. So let's see just what makes this film such a great finale, entry point and film in it's own right and how Kim Possible was going to go out with a massive plot, a massive romantic moment... and er... some third thing.

The film's plot is excellent: Schooley and McCorckle pack every second of the films 71 minutes without feeling overstuffed. Every bit of the film either helps the plot along, helps with the character, or sets up something for later. Some setups are transparent: Kim's father James nearly erases a project he's working on with a voice command, and unsuprisingly does so on purpose later when Drakken comes to steal said project. Others are a bit more subtle: Ron's scooter barely running is a gag early on, but becomes a detriment when he has to escape drakken's little tiny robots later, then boomerangs back to relevance using some rockets Kim's twin brothers were tinkring with even earlier.

The film's save the world plot is the king of this: the setup is one we've seen before: Dr Drakken, kim's arch enemy and one of voice acting great John Dimaggio is trying to conquer the world somehow, starting with the attempted kidnaping the head of japanese toy giant Nakasumi Toys with the help of his snarky sidekick Shego, comedy and voice legend Nicole Sullivan in her best role.

Drakken was really.. the only choice for this. Kim does have a solid rogue's gallery: The delightfully smooth billionaire who stumbled into super villiany through pure power sucking callousness and decided to go all in for funsies Senior Senior, british martial arts master and monkey man Monkey Fist, deranged beanie baby collector and genetics master DNAmy, and one of my personal favorites no one talks about Frugal Lucre, a supervillain whose genuinely talented but also very budget conscious. Kim stacks up with Danny phantom as one of the few kid heroes at the time to really have a solid rogues gallery.

That said.. most of them went underused: the only two to get used a LOT were Drakken and Senior Senior Senior... and both for good reason. Their entertaining hams with interesting gimmicks: Drakken is a loveable buffoon who has hilarious banter with Shego , his cranky earnestness playing well off her not giving a fuck attitude and tendency to either poke holes in his schemes or marvel at how stupid they are or what costume he's found an excuse to wear as a result. They also make a perfect foil for our heroes with the dumbass male people look down on being the driving force of the duo, though like kim and ron sheego is the one everyone attributes any success to, and not without reason. The Senior's just have a good hook, with Senior Senior Senior being the rare billionaire who realized "Wait i'm a super villain".. and then instead of complaining about dei or some such bullshit decides "Fuck it let's ransom paris".

And while Senior rips... Drakken was the right call. At this point Kim's fought him 28 times, Sheego 30. If this was going to be her last adventure, it had to be Drakken. He started the series both in the first aired episode and the first episode produced, he's the one to end it.

It also makes him being a threat this time.. that much more of a shocker. Again she's beaten him 28 times. A little under half the series is Kim kicking this guy's ass with the real threat being his right hand woman's green glowing right hand. Also the left one.

What makes this plan work is something he's rarely deployed, something most hammy supervilians don't seem to do and fellow doofy mad scientist we love to see every episode Doctor Doofinschmritz has never quite mastered: He dosen't make his plan as obvious. This big operatic scheme BEGINS the same way as usual, do some kidnapping, steal some shit.. but he has steps other than ???? and profit. While he nearly fails in kidnapping Nakasumi San it's not obvious WHY he was doing it. Kim correctly pegs SOMETHING is off about this, that it wasn't for nothing.. but can't figure out what and reluctantly slides it off due to a combo of having her personal issues crop up, and Drakken not exactly being a man known for subtlety. He's bright blue, his sidekick is pale with green energy and his plans have included: using japanese technology to build a giant robot, trying to destroy wisconson from inside a giant cheese wheel, using killer fembots to abduct his old college friends/enemies, attacking canada with a weather machine, mind controlling a retirement community in florida, using a giant poodle to attack Area-51, manipulating DNAmy to make him a giant monster, trying to steal ron's millions he had for an episode his evil schemes, and using a rap career to sell brainwashing shampoo. Not all of his schemes are this deranged, half of the ones I was reminded of are pretty stock super villain stuff, but it makes the fact he just.. randomly decided to try and kidnap a toy designer and billionaire less random.

Yet every step of the plan.. is well thought out, threaded in a way that isn't at all obvious to the audience until the big reveal later in the plot. Early on he makes it clear he also has plans for Kim.. if in a most drakken way as he has his various fellow grown ass men henchmen researching teenage behaviors. And when one responds with made up slang I love his sad response of "We lost stevens".

He goes to info broker Big Daddy Brotherson, an a-class name, to get info in another wonderful set piece: this time it's an underwater lair a classic and while Ron get sucked into poker and thus the greatest monster of all

Kim goes undercover and Drakken.. gets thrown out a lot for pissing off his host and not listening to sheego. So normal thursday for everyone.

What he wants is the location of some nanotech, something he used before in the first aired episode. I like the little callbacks here and there, that this plan seems like a greatest hits... because it entirely is. Yet it's Drakken using that idea WELL, taking bits from his other schemes and past adventures and stitching them into a plan that actually works.

And as an added bonus the scientist he's stealing from, as I mentioned earlier, is Kim's dad james played by Voice Acting Legend, Attorney at law, former mayor of crystal cover, and general god Gary Cole. I cannot hype this man up enough. James is a rocket scientist and his wife Ann played by the equally legendary Jean Smart of Hacks and Designing Women fame, is a brain surgeon. The two are mostly there to just casually talk about their highly demanding jobs and delightfully shrug off their daughter's globetrotting.

It's endlessly refreshing that for once in a superhero show there's no sneaking around and the parents are just.. kind and supportive. They call kim on her shit on the times she does stupid shit like any teens, but they trust her, support her and in James case, will launch a boy into a black hole if they hurt her. There's no having to hide her double life or even if she dosen't have said parents put endless pressure on her or deny her existence as a teenage girl entirely. Their just.. there for her and a delight.

The two know each other because they went to college together. The episode Attack of the Killer Bebe's revealed that Drakken, then Drew Lipsky, was friends with James but they fell out after Drakken tried to use a bunch of sex robots for their dates for a dance and got laughed at for weeks for it. As they should. It was not a smart move. Still he swore revenge. And if I had a nickle for every time a nerd from college sought revenge on his old friends with fembots in an elaborate scheme i'd have two. Which isn't a lot but it's weird this happened twice.

The Venture Bros, another one of the 2000's best shows, used almost the exact same plot. Instead of Doctor Venture's arch enemy, who also went to college with him because they took the fantastic four reference of reed richards having gone to college with dr doom (A real thing and not even the only time that joke's been made in a show i've reviewed. Danny Phantom also did this. ) , and ran with it, it was Mike Soriyama, their shier roommate with a hopeless crush on his classmate Leslie who blamed them all for humiliating him for loosing his chance.. instead missing the point they all REALLY sucked in college. And still do now!

I love the whole interaction: James refuses to be scared despite being kindapped.. because he knows his daughter will save him. He deletes his files using the voice command and even when threatned with a brain draining, does not give Drakken any itoa of satisfaction, just smugness and calling him by his real name which bothers him. He gets the info Drakken wanted sucked out, which seems to be temporary as he gets it back later but makes sense: his brain was messed with and a day or two would restore the info, but likely not the actual encounter. He dosne't loose the hephistus project entirely but dosen't remember the whole deal that happened.

And with all this build up.. Shego STILL can't figure it out. This leads to my faviorite scene of the film, and there's some hot competition. Sheego is upset she can't despite trying and goes to force the plan out of Drakken.. and he dosen't budge. She threatens him, snarks at him, the things that usually work or rattle him.. but he's fine. And then he explains why: Kim possible isn't smarter than Sheego.. so if Sheego can't figure it out.. KIM can't figure it out. Drakken wasn't not telling sheego for his normal reasons of being a bit of a dipshit.. but to make damn sure Kim hadn't connected the dots. And probably the smug satisfaction of getting one over on her. I mean he's still Drakken, though props for not gloating to her more than that. You'd think he'd rub it in more but he's just satisfied she has faith in him for the first time ever.

That smugness is justified as the plan is brilliant.. but before we can get to it.. .we have to get to the OTHER half of the plot. This is normal for Kim Possible: Kim, Ron or both typically have a normal mundane thing to deal with: Detention, dating, a ski trip, that sorta thing and then the spy mission plays off that in some way or is effected by our heroes issues that week. Ron getting a manager job means he can't help kim on missions, Ron's attempts to impress his crush get him trapped in a video game, Ron's accountant dad ends up in a mind battle with a math based super villian, you get the fomula.

This is tricky to thread as it takes some effort to amp up a usual plot into movie length.. but it can and has been done wonderfully: The Simpsons Movie takes homer being a callous jerkass and putting his marriage and the town in danger through his stupidity and simply amps it up to "his callousness gets the town domed off and Marge leaves him because he wont' save live". The Bobs Burgers movie simply gives them a BIGGER money woes plot, with a giant hole, an impending loan and their landlord facing a murder charge. Big City Greens takes the usual "Cricket gets into a shenanigan and quarrels with his dad" plots that were in a lot of the earlier episodes and sends it literally into space.

Kim possible does the same and did it before all of these. The supervillian action is bigger, world threatning and multi layered and the teen drama is likewise big, unique for the series and impactful: Kim gets a boyfriend.. and Ron has to face the fact he has feelings for her.

Kim and Ron are unique. Having a will they or won't they with the main characters isn't and was in fact the faviorite trend for action shows. Avatar the Last Airbender, Danny Phantom, American Dragon all had this too and shows after like Star Vs and Miraculous Ladybug would try.

The thing is aside from Amdrag none of these examples are.. good. It is hard to thread a will they or wont' they like this and save it for the last episode and not piss people off. I know, the constant teases from the nick advertising department and osmetims in episdoe for Kataang were like living in a living nightmare. Ditty for Danny and Sam.

In contrast Kim Possible was more subtle with it: There were hints their might be something more than friends there but the show didn't overly push it: they teased it once or twice, had her be jealous of one of his love intrests, refrenced the spider-man kiss.. they poked at it, they knew fans REALLY wanted it but they also let it flow naturally. The two feel like real friends who are honest with each other, with Kim embarassed at Ron's antics at times, but are there for each other. Any time ron's given the choice between some new hobby or kim, he picks her, without her forcing him to or any such nonsense. He's unflinchingly loyal and , this is important.. he dosen't expect shit. He's not her friend to try and date her, he's not doing shit because she'll go out with him if he just waits like far too many works did in a way that poisoned my young brain. When offered the idea when she was under the influence of a device that affected her mood, he turns her down not because he's not intrested.. but because he values their friendship more. BUT THE FRIENDSHIP is used a LOT in these kinds of situations and kim plays it.. like reality. Relationships CAN be messy and if it goes bad you may loose something. Both parties, or all three in some cases, have to be sure this is worth it.

In most media though I find myself thinking back to some words of wisdom from an old friend

That's the problem: It's clear their at a breaking point and it's either obvious to everyone but the party being pined over, or they simply won't just.. talk it out. I get teens, what this is primarily used with, aren't exactly rational a lot of the time but come the fuck on.

Kim and Ron pulled off waiting for the finale to have them catch feelings.. because we have three seasons that, while caked with hints there was more under there and Ron was aware of it but scared of it, a genuine, beautiful friendship. Two people who may joke, Kim makes a lot of snarky asides, but genuinely love each other and will defend each other every time. Their friendship isn't an alternative to a relationship but something important a relationship could mess with if it didn't go right. Even if this had ended with season 1.. you could see just how much these two need each other and why they'd be in denial: the alternative is messy, sweet and possibly would leave them both without the one person whose been there for them since pre-k.

The two finally start down this path for a simple reason: Bonnie Rockwaller

Bonnie, played by Kirsten Storms of Days of Our Lives and General Hospital, is Kim's cheer teammate and school nemisis, a rich girl who feels entitled to Kim's spot on the cheer team, tries to paint Kim saving the world as some weird hobby, and seems to just.. resent the fact Ron exists let alone is often around the cheer team as Kim's friend and the team's mascot.

Kim dosen't take her shit though and that's what makes things work with them: Bonnie TRIES to rattle kim, steal her spot as captain various other shit.. but it generally fails horribly. When it works.. it's because she happened to tap into Kim's insecurities and in those cases Kim's own anxiety and self conciousness does the real work. It's a realistic example of bullying: needling like that often got to me simply because I'm that anxious and self loathing, while with Kim it takes ab it more effort and with Ron it rarely actually lands. Ron has enough self confidence to not give a shit most of the time.

This time though.. it does work but realistically. Bonnie for once has something Kim dosen't: a boyfriend. As does the rest of the team. And while Bonnie's relationship with Brick Flag, played by former bad sad boy and once and future tom Rider Strong, isn't exactly strong, it's on and off again to an extreme degree and the nice as heck brick is not at all a fit for her, it's A relationship. As someone whose badly craved a relationship in the past, and part of me still REALLY does, I get that lonliness, this idea that everyone else is ahead of you and your so far behind simply because your single.

It also works.. because it's something the series has been consitent with: Kim did have a longterm crush on the most 2000's cardboard cutout to ever exist Josh Mankey, who appeared twice a season in the first two, but had no real relvence. My young brain was tricked into thinking he was more important than he actually was. Ron had two love intrests, Zita, a gamer girl at their school, and Yori his classmate at the secret ninja school he attended once. He was also hit on by Tara, one of the cheerleaders. What i'm saying is Kim didn't date much and Ron had more game than he knew what to actually do with.

Kim blames her saving the world on that, saying it intimidates them... but her true enemy isn't the male ego, it's... herself. Kim has a lot of anxiety, and her biggest enemy in her day to day plots is getting in her head, either stubbornly doubling down on an idea and ignoring what's in front of her, or letting her fear consume her like the gaping maw that it is. Can relate. She gets in her own head often, and this is the perfect kinda dillema for that. Her other best friend Monique, played by Raven Simone, points out Bonnie is full of shit.. but Kim is still understandably mopey about being single and taking a seemingly platonic date to prom. Ron by contrast isn't bothered with the idea of being her silver medal at all. Bonnie simply hit just the right nerve.

So enter Eric, the seemingly perfect boy. He's played by phil phil phil of the future actor Eric Ulman, a smooth talker whose new in school and pisses ron off by taking his parking spot.. then politely lets him has it and they become buddies. Eric quickly finds kim "extreme steam"

But says it in a way that implies things that gets Ron honked off at him disrespecting her.

It dosen't taken long for Eric to impress kim with his charm, his looks and er....

Yeah Eric gets a lot of mileage out of the fact he "just happened" to show up right as Kim was badly wanting a boyfriend and is nice enough. We learn nothing about him but he has enough charisma and that kind of generic handsome that most obstacles to the main couple have to buy it. He showed up at the right place and the right time and Kim's just happy.

Ron isn't. He's mopey the whole relationship, not getting at first that he's jealous of eric, and not liking that eric shows up everywhere he and kim happen to be. The latter as fair as his near magical ability to show up just at the right time to interupt kim and ron is hilarous as it is creepy as given the later reveal, he's probably stalking her.

It's not helped that Ron and Kim spend ALL their time together. Ron has other friends but Felix didn't exist when this film was written and Rufus his naked mole rat can do MANY things.. but he can't reallly hang out without the health department getting called. Ron dosen't really have a life if Kim's not around and he instead mopes: Eric is EVERYWHERE and he can't escape her being pushed in his face.

Not helping is that his one safe refuge is changing. In a year where several stores i've seen for years are shutting down, can relate. Ron frequents the Bueno Nacho, their easy taco bell stand in that got me hooked on the restraint at an early age. I still use their nacho cheese to make nacos, so good. But the naco being discontinued, deals being canceled and kids meals are all rattling the poor guy. The only place he has is changing, no one but kim signs his petttion.. he's spinning out.

Ron can be a bit of a dipshit in this part, just moping around kim and her boyfriend or freaking out.. but you get it. He dosen't have much in his life: supportive parents, a sweet naked mole rat, a barely functioning moped.. he lost both his best friend and his faviorite restraunt in days. He can't even go for pizza at her house without eric being thrown in his face and it's clear he just DOES NOT want to face the why.

Now this could still be bad.. Ron being a tad pissy still isn't the best look and had it JUST been there, the work would've been bad. But for one.. Kim notices and gently calls him on it: i'ts layered: he is being passive agressive.. but he has not much else and you can tell from the performance, especailly when Kim talks to him about it in his old treehouse, that he's starting to accept WHY he's so nettled by this: He loves kim, but isn't so much of an asshole he tries to ruin their relationship.

What cements this is his talk with Rufus when prom night hits. Rufus is the voice of reason when Kim can't be and urges ron to stop fucking ignoring this and hoping it goes away. But Ron reveals he has VERY valid reasons for not going for it. This fucking hurts and he has finally realized he has feelings for kim.. but knows having her choose between him and Eric is risky: If she likes Eric more... it might destroy their friendship. Confessing is weighted as hell and risky and unlike most examples where your friendship's already ready to pop here Kim's ignoring ron's mostly just been.. because she's happy. She does try to work it out and talk it over with him in the treehouse and he does the same. She cares and once the honeymoon phase was over they'd probably still hang out more, he'd just have to accept eric was around and he'd lost his chance. But loosing her entirely, loosing that friendship, hurting her and himself like that... he can't. Ron isn't not telling her because of THE PLOTTTTTT or contrivance... he'd rather have Kim in his life and have his heart hurt for a while than risk having her not in his life at all. It's what makes us root for him besides being a main character and not having Kim microchipped so he knows where she is at all times: Ron wants what's best for her. If eric makes her happy, then he's fine with stepping aside. Despite his histornics when it comes down to it.. he chooses her happiness over his and in this case.. it's the right move.

He chooses instead to drown his sorrows in nacho cheese, can relate while Ned , the manager at the Buneo Nacho played by Eddie Dezen and Ron's contact there and former boss, TRIES to warn Ron something evil's going on: a new manager has been hired played by Diedrich bader whose bald and evil. Ron being ron dosen't notice ned wrote evil in taco sauce on his tray.. but does notice the bendy straws are gone and when new manager man is too baffled to respond Ron calls the home office.. and gets DRAKKEN.

I LOOOOVVVEEE this twist. I mean first off we get Drakken in a costume always a good time in this case a texas style patterened blue and white shirt that looks awesome. The second.. is how everything clicks together. We'd gotten a hint at this earlier as Nakasumi's design drakken stole was being distrubited in kids meals at bueno nacho in japan, the hot new toy el diablo.. which are naturally also robots. Stan sicks them on Ron.. and EVERYTHING clicks perfectly into place. It's why I had to cover both parts seperatley: besides being easy.. both parts come together beauitfully for this final act.

The plot itself is awesome and fittingly big in scope: Drakken bought out Bueno Nacho because it's a global franchise, something established in season 2 but likely in the back of the writers mind from this. He stole the el diablo deisgn to make it something kids would want, the hottest new thing and he added kiddie meals to distribute. The hephestus project was stolen so he could make the el diablos robots that could function in smaller mode.. then use the nanotech to grow into larger forms and take over the world. At Midnight, because of course it's midnight, all the El Diablos and superhuman crew will gather up anyone who knows more than they do.. and you know world domination.

The El Diablos are tough little bastards and Ron barely evades them.. then just as he runs into the Prom in a panic looking for help they vanish and Eric tries to play it off as him being delusional.. but in a show of pure faith.. Kim belivies him. That and with the body swaps, nanite zit bombs, ron being turned evil once, drakken trying to murder wisconsion with a wheel of cheese, the martial arts master they fight reguarly who had a genitist give him money hands, said genticist giving herself gorilla hands to stalk him, rufus getting into a kaiju battle with a poodle, a man trying to destroy the internet with a coupon, and Drakken's rap career they've seen weirder.

And this is the first time Drakken buckles a bit.. not incredibly but seeing Kim and ron on the way to figure out his plan, going to James for help, does rattle him.. but he rallies. Every other bot activates at midnight. Middleton goes live NOW. And what makes this even better is... he knows Kim will likely beat him. He's aware this will only stall her.. and he's banking on it, already having Shego go pick up his contingency plan: Eric

So Kim regroups at home with the help of Wade, or as much as he can and her dad, who points out this is his project and the robots require transmitters... the OTHER reason for the bueno nachos. Our heroes go to wreck middletons, helped by Jim and Tim beefling up kim's scooter and we get a hell of an action sequence as Kim uses the grande sized diablo after them .. to destroy the transmitter.

Naturally this goes how you think it would next: Drakken calls into Wade so he can tell Kim "I"ve got your boyfriend neener neener". Which is a nice use of his usual jackassery: Normally him doing that would be the end of his plans, with Kim easily thwarting him.. but once again... he's COUNTING on her reactions. She's used to his obvious traps.. but he has a far less obvious one. To her and Ron anyway, to the audience they've probably started to piece it together and to a lot of you you've seen this so you know what's coming

But first.. Kim has to get suited up, and instead of her iconic crop top and cargo pants, she has something special for the occasion: the battle suit. The battle suit is cool as hell and despite only showing up for the climax, was used in the promotions: for the posters, the dvd cover everything and given it's this cool looking futuristic new suit that amps up kim's strength and agility and allows her to throw energy blasts back with a handball.. thing. It's the ultimate evolution of wades tech. It's also as usual for this type of thing only a prototype and not ready and yadda yadda, this doesen't come into play, it works fine.

It allows kim to not only fight Shego even better than usual, not having to worry about countering her hands as much, but easily tear through the mooks. Eric then shows up still in his tux, and Kim let's her guard down... and when she says his name "Actually here i'm known as Synthrodrone 901"

And then he shocks her.

Yes Eric was a synthodrone.

Drakken's robot minions that have shown up once or twice.. basically a robot that's a bag of goo.

Yup Eric.. was a plant this whole damn time, designed to distract Kim so she wouldn't put the pieces together. What's more on this watch, paying closer attention to Eric's behavior pre-reveal.. EVERY action is calculated. He introduces himself by taking Ron's spot, giving him an easy in so he dosen't have to just come up and hit on kim, he shows up everywhere likely because whatever research Drakken's minons did on her meant they could predict her movements and he slowly shoves ron out without being openly obnoxious because it's been shown often that Kim is less effective without Ron. Any time he's gone from the team throws her off. This isn't something I think Drakken ever fully noticed, but it's something his researchers likely gathered or Eric started to notice on his own and took advantage of. And while Drakken likely didn't know about the kim ron stuff going in, Eric definitely picked up on it and drove the wedge every chance he had: it's not a coincidence he tended to show up any time the two were alone that wasn't a mission. While Drakken's research started the plan it's clear he programmed Eric well enough to do the rest.

It's all well pulled off: Having the love interest backstab the main character is hard to pull off, especially in this case. but Kim's insecurity was well established, is throughly human and the techniques Eric uses are all gaslighting 101. What makes eric a threat is the realism: not everyone has a mad scientist arch enemy who would do vast research on you to create a perfect boy robot to seduce you and throw you off his trail. But just about anyone can be manipulated and taken advnatage of by someone they loved. It makes it painful as hell.

Drakken rubs it in a little but leaves kim and Ron in the basement. And.. he's almost won as Kim's utterly broken by this and you understand it: She lost at the thing sh'es good at, saving the world, and got gas lit by a weird android man, seemingly confirming every fear she had about herself. When the truth is like any situation like this.. it's all on Eric and the creepy middle aged man what made him. I get why Kim beats herself up.. because I beat myself up, we all do. It's what having anxiety is like.

Thankfully Ron is there.. and gives us one of the best confessions in the history of animation

 "All right, KP, this pity fiesta is over. Drakken has not won, he played you. Now it's payback time. And, y'know, there are guys out there that are better for you than Eric. Guys that are real for one thing." "You really think there's a guy out there for me?" "Out there.. in here"

Ron confesses.. but he dosen't do it for him. He takes the risk.. because Kim needs it. Because she's at her lowest and needs to know someone loves her. Even if things were weird after... her happiness was what was important. It's why he didn't try to compete with eric.. and when now he's broken Kim's heart.. he's there. It could've sooooo easily come off like ron was trying to pick her up on the rebound.. but it misses it entirely. Ron simply wants Kim to know she's loved: that's it. He expects nothing. Dosen't try to pick it up after the world's safe. Just tells her he loves her so she knows she's loved at the moment she badly needs to hear it. And her response is a suprised.. but delighted really. Rufus needs to cut in to free them because you know, end of the world and such, but it's nice how this big dramatic moment... is just happy. Ron is nervous as hell when telling her, understandably given what he's risking for both of them, but Kim just seems genuinely elated.

I don't think Kim really THOUGHT about ron in that way. It's a huge step up from the usual "THEY DON'T KNOW EVEN WHEN THEIR TRYING TO PRACTICE KISS A MANEQUIN OF THEM " level of obliviousness I have had to deal with my whole damn life. Granted I didn't have such a specific example till Miraculous Ladybug, but I digress. Kim likely used the whole "he's a nerdddddd" thing to put up a wall between that. Ron was a tad more self aware as there had been several episodes where he was a bit too specific in denying them as a couple, but not so much that he genuinely considered it till now. Kim didn't realize the spark was there while Ron recognized it on some level but had no intention of lightning that fucker up.

Once they actually confront those feelings... it's easy. It's what makes this so sweet. There's no big operatic reaction, Ron just nervously admits what's been there all along, Kim is shocked for a second and then realizes "... wow that feels.. right. "

But before it can feel right in this motherfucker, feel good in this motherfucker, they have to turn this motherfucker. Kim gives one of her best lines in the entire series when storming in on Drakken who true to form is bragging about catfishing a teenage girl with a robot he had stalk her

"Your right Drakken, boys, dating. IT's hard. But this is easy!"

Then she kicks him across the fucking room and the final fight begins. It's a tense well done battle.. and a triumphant one with Kim taking on Shego as usual and Ron vs Eric.. which dosen't go quite well as what martial arts skills ron has are tied up in his weird subplot about mystical monkey power, but we still get some great action. Eric seals his fate by mocking rufus.. and when it seems all is lost... Ron just sits back and smirks. "Little dude holds a grudge".. and then rufus fucking bites out eric's non existant tendon and reduces him to a puddle of goo while he shrivels away.

Props for them both going that hard and giving me my night terrors for the next few weeks.

Not to be outdone Kim then SUPERKICKS Sheego into the transmission tower Drakken was using so hard the fucker collapses and Disney had to insert a scene of Shego in a paddywagon after this scene because Kim just.. straight up murdered her otherwise while Smirking triumphantly

Ron is less horrifying than his teammates but still confronts Drakken, whose baffled Ron is upset that ruining Bueno Nacho pissed him off this bad. And when Drakken still can't say his name Ron forces him to.. and FINALLY gets it. Boo Yah.

So the villians are arrested and somehow Shego lived so we're good there. With that Kim says there's still time... Ron wonders "For what" and she happily drags him off.

As it turns out there's time for the Prom, which is still going at 1am but presumably Barkin was distracted by all the giant robot attacks and forgot to shut it down. Barkin, Kim and Ron's only teacher and local grumpus played by the incomparable Patrick Warburton... is weirdly not in this film and is the only major supporting character to not show up, but I assume Barkin's there in spirit because the school has no other teachers or staff.

So Kim and ron show up... hand in hand

Bonnie on the other hand thinks it's hilarious and tries to mock them.. only for everyone present to cheer like Rodney Dangerfield just told them we're all getting laid. As they should. It's a nice moment and while you could say "Wow that escalated quickly" it fits. Once the two accepted they had feelings for each other... it was again, easy. There's no risk, only reward. The enemy of this couple getting together.. was their self doubt, Kim's in carring way too much about what Bonnie thinks, and Ron in worrying abotu ruining things. I mean he was right on not making her pick between him or eric, that's a LOT to ask and he didn't know Eric was a creep, a weirdo and did not belong here, but them as a couple works for the same reason they worked as friends: they support each other. They dont' do it blindly, but their there: WHen Ron was having his treehouse mope sesh, Kim made time to talk things out and make him act lik ean adult, while Ron snapped kim out of her darkest hour by reminding her A) so Drakken got one over on you, go kick his ass and B) she's not alone and she never has been. IT's why fans wanted this and why I still hold this up as the golden standard of friends to lovers. It was inevitable like most of those... but it wasn't because they were a guy and girl who were friends. It wasn't because the show kept saying it until the audience either believed it or just tolerated it so they could get on with their lives. It was because the two had genuine chemistry, love one another, and something already fantastic they had naturally grew into something else fantastic. As Christy Carlson Romano's excellent song could it be plays, the two dance, kiss.. and enjoy this moment.

The show went on after this largely because fans demanded it once they realized it was ending just at the good part. The only part of this I really don't like is the INTENTION was to end it there, but I get it. It's how things were done and Disney likely feared such a big change because they hate continuity as it means you can't just.. air episodes however the fuck you want.

Thankfully disney DID listen to the fans... and likely their wallets but hey, whatever got us another season. And season 4 first plays with the idea of what most series would do at the time, with a nightmare of kim's face melting.. only for Ron to call Kim and for us to find out it's been months, this is just an anxiety dream he has, their still together. The show even keeps most of the big changes as a result of the movie. With Prom over Kim and Ron are now seniors and the idea of their futures plays into the season here and there. Drakken remains in prison for several episodes while multiple villians break out sheego to be their sidekick now. There's a bit more continuity than usual, and more I could get into best saved for another day if there's demand for it and another finale I admitely didn't like nearly as much, but is still solid enough. We got more after happily ever after na dit was great. Also they broke the battle suit the first episode back and didn't bring it back till the finale, suprising no one.

So it wasn't as obvious as I could make it, I love this movie. Reviewing it this rewatch only made me love it MORE, spotting more details and just how tightly packed this flim is: every moment has purpose, every bit of the plot stacks up, and it rewards a rewatch with bits of foreshadowing and setups for later. It hooks up a couple fans wanted, gives Kim possible a movie sized plot on a tv sized budget and still looks amazing. If you haven't seen Kim Possible the film stands WELL on it's own. It fills in the dynamics, catches up the audience and works well as an action movie with a slice of romance. It honestly does romance better than most action films. It's not shoved in there, like the Fall Guy it's just as important as the punching and twists.

If you can check out this movie, it's on Disney +, it's excellent and it's well worth your time both as an extension of the series, and as a film. Go watch it, happy prom, and thanks for reading.

[brucebocchi]

Ranking 2024 anime, Pt. 2: #40-31

hey, this post is also available on my ko-fi, so please check it out and consider tipping/donating as i do this for free and am currently between jobs. you can find part 1 of the list here. thanks!

Alright, on we go to the list proper. The first post was probably whiplash-inducing, going from a bunch of shorter stuff I loved to whole seasons I hated, but we can only go up from here. I watched a lot of anime this year, as the numbers indicate, so there's a little positivity to be found even in the lower rankings.

As always, OPs are linked in the series titles. Watch them, they're almost all great.

40. Metallic Rouge

One of the biggest disappointments of the year, one which I didn’t think could be outdone (and I’ll get to that one shortly). Metallic Rouge had so much going for it as a Studio Bones original for its anniversary, and managed to fumble all of its promise and goodwill in slow, agonizing fashion. 

It’s a shame, too. Metallic Rouge still looks awesome; the character and mech designs are excellent, the space-cyberpunk aesthetic is undeniable, and the animation can be terrific when it counts. The story, on the other hand, is so completely asinine that I was sick of this show before it ended. I’ve mostly forgotten what even happens, partly because it was that infuriating to keep up with, and partly because I feel like the writers forgot too; the bulk of any actual story felt backloaded into the last two or three episodes because they focused too hard on vibes for a while. I think they were trying to go for some “G-Witch by way of Detroit: Become Human” something or other, but all of it rang hollow. I’m still not sure whether it needed more runtime or better writers. Probably both.

Not worth your time. Just watch the OP and imagine a better show than what we got.

39. Mysterious Disappearances

I’ve thought so little about this show since it went off the air that I don’t really have anything new to say. Looks pretty lousy most of the time, not that interesting, oddly horny, and the plot structure gets kind of cloying after a while.

I know I harped on that last point when I reviewed it at the end of the spring season, but something funny happened after I did. Back in July, I mentioned that I took issue with the formula of “we encounter a paranormal anomaly, it’s identified as a yokai or urban legend, we learn its tragic backstory, our protagonists give it closure, and we move on” because it felt manipulative after I realized that it happened with every arc, and then I went ahead and read DanDaDan, which basically does exactly the same thing but a hell of a lot better. Comparing a middling work like this to DanDaDan of all things feels unfair, but they cover pretty similar ground. Maybe it’s sharper writing, or maybe it’s just a more engaging work. Who’s to say?

I’d also said in my review that Mysterious Disappearances unintentionally gives off the vibe of a poorly-archived mid-2000s series, but I hadn’t realized just how right I was: It turns out that studio Zero-G just went ahead and made up its own ending even though the source material is still ongoing. Better shows did the same this year, but the studio and I seem to have the same level of faith that this anime’s ever coming back.

38. My Deer Friend Nokotan

Honestly? Fuck this show.

I’ve already gone into what I did and didn’t like about Nokotan after it went off air a few months ago and I don’t care to revisit that while it’s still relatively fresh. Not nearly as funny as it pretended to be, yet still not even confident in its own sense of humor. The OP's still a bop (calling it "Shikairo Days" was a genuinely great joke), and a small handful of gags do land, but not enough to prevent this from being a massive disappointment.  At the same time, Nokotan was still somehow not the biggest letdown of the year.

37. Uzumaki

This was the biggest letdown of the year.

When an anime adaptation of the legendary Junji Ito horror manga was first announced in 2019, it was hard not to get excited. Even when I’d mostly fallen out of anime fandom, I knew damn well who Junji Ito was and I knew Uzumaki. Adult Swim was funding the project, a prestige studio in Production I.G. was handling the animation, and they even nabbed Hereditary composer Colin Stetson for the score. Ito’s manga is famously very difficult to adapt well, and it looked like we finally had a project being taken seriously. Delays and radio silence in the ensuing years were disappointing, but I was willing to be patient if it meant everything was being handled right. When the trailer dropped this summer, it looked like it would be worth the wait.

And for one glorious episode, it seemed like everyone’s patience paid off. Uzumaki’s debut episode was one of the most visually arresting pieces of animation I’ve ever seen: The entire look and feel was faithful to Ito’s inimitable style, from the meticulously detailed linework to the stark black-and-white color grading of his manga’s pages. On top of that, the animation itself was absurdly good; the process of rotoscoping 3D motion capture seemed arduous, but the end result was beautifully lifelike for a story where that quality could only serve to instill further terror. Several of the most iconic images from the early chapters looked incredible in hi-def motion. Sure, the pacing was a little fast, but this was a four-episode miniseries. We could deal. This was just too good.

And then came the second episode.

I’m not going to over-elaborate or relitigate every single thing that went wrong here, because it’s a lot. Uzumaki was in development for a long time, and that five year gap between announcement and release included several detriments to the production process, not the least of which being COVID, animation production changing hands between several studios, and new leadership for Adult Swim’s parent company that now favors profit over product, especially when it comes to animation that doesn’t involve DC characters. Plenty of us figured that all of these delays and a run of only four episodes meant that they had the time to hammer out all the issues and give us the best possible product. That, unfortunately, was not the case.

Responding to complaints about the decline in animation in the second episode, executive producer Jason DeMarco (who, to be blunt, has overseen several mediocre-to-awful anime products released under the Adult Swim brand, including my bottom-ranked anime of 2023) claimed in a quickly-deleted Bluesky thread that there is indeed a higher-up to blame and that they were left with an ultimatum to either drop Uzumaki after just one episode, let it go the way of so many other Warner Bros non-releases under David Zaslav’s disastrous leadership, or release the whole miniseries in its half-baked state. They went with the third.

So, what we got was an uneven, often sloppy work; another mediocrity to throw on the pile of failed Junji Ito adaptations. All goodwill established in the first episode is soon undone by wonky character models, uncanny walk cycles, and movement that looks like PNGs being dragged across a background at the most inopportune times. Plenty of viewers, myself included, were willing to overlook the accelerated pacing after the first episode, but that issue was thrown into stark relief by the second when entire chapters of the manga began playing out simultaneously, and one was even reduced to an afterthought for a cheap “scare” at the end of episode three. 

Not that I thought Uzumaki necessarily needed a full 12-episode season for a proper adaptation or anything; Ito’s output can often be light on story, and dragging it out too far risks losing interest. What makes Ito’s stories actually work, though, is a proper sense of setting and space to let tensions rise. That didn’t entirely happen here; while the atmosphere of Kurozu-cho does plenty resemble what we’ve seen from Ito’s pages, and Stetson’s atonal saxophone does a lot of work to raise the level of unease, things just kind of happen. Few things really get the chance to land as intended, in part due to the production quality cheaping out at climactic moments.

This was the last anime I finished this year even though I’d watched the first two episodes after they aired and it went off the air in October. I was looking forward to the last two episodes that little. There are still bits and pieces of great animation and faithful adaptation here and there, but not enough to regain any goodwill from the second episode’s wheels visibly falling off. Maybe it’s finally time to declare Junji Ito’s works unadaptable once and for all. 

Definitely watch that first episode, though. At this point I kind of wish that’s all we’d gotten.

36. Hokkaido Gals Are Super Adorable!

Straitlaced Nice Guy moves to a new town, laid-back gyaru from his class immediately takes a liking to him, a couple other girls enter the picture, shenanigans ensue, and a slow-burn romance begins in parallel. Nothing special on paper and nothing much more special than that in execution. The setting is lovely, though, and it really made me want to visit Hokkaido one day. Nicely done, tourism board.

If you watched this and were put off by it, I don’t blame you; I probably would’ve been too if I hadn’t decided to read ahead in the manga. I will say this, though: If you liked Hokkaido Gals even a little, read the manga. It’s a minor investment, but if you can get over the halfway mark, it gets surprisingly good and has a really lovely ending. 

The anime, on the other hand? Meh. Doesn’t look super great and didn’t have enough time in 12 episodes to overcome most of the issues the source material had to move past to get to what made it worthwhile. It would take another season or two to get there, and that probably isn’t gonna happen. Great OP, though (I'm starting to repeat myself, I know). Just read the manga.

35. No Longer Allowed in Another World

Boasting one of the most audacious premises for an isekai I’ve ever seen, No Longer Allowed in Another World doesn’t shy away from the implications of an Osamu Dazai isekai, has the dark humor to match, and provides some fascinating commentary on the type of person who tends to consume wish-fulfillment isekai. Unfortunately, the presentation was a little lacking and threatened to lose my attention several times. I think the idea is much better on paper, to the point where I might test that theory and go read the manga.

34. The Wrong Way to Use Healing Magic

The next dozen or so anime in the rankings fall into a category of either “well-made anime that I found kind of frustrating” or “middling anime that I kind of enjoyed.” The Wrong Way to Use Healing Magic is very much the latter. It’s a standard isekai on paper; demon king, special powers, what have you, but it has a likable cast and laid-back vibe for much of its runtime that made it pleasant enough to watch.

As I said after the winter season, I really liked that Wrong Way spends a lot of its early story ensuring that the protagonist expends the time and effort necessary for him to become the hero he’s meant to be instead of the narrative just handing it to him from the start, which instantly sets it apart from most other wish-fulfillment isekai. It’s far from the best-looking anime I watched this year, but it has a mid-00s throwback look and feel to it that works more to its benefit than in Mysterious Disappearances. Nothing groundbreaking and a little too backloaded, but an enjoyable enough experience and one I’m looking forward to seeing come back. 

The only really upsetting thing about this show is that Atsuko Tanaka (Major Kusanagi, Bayonetta, Kainé), who was tremendous as the intimidating Captain Rose, is no longer with us. She was an exceptional talent with an iconic voice who will be sorely missed, and future seasons of this show won’t be the same without her.

33. Go! Go! Loser Ranger

Though not a bad anime by most metrics, I still consider Loser Ranger a minor disappointment. It mostly looks great, and “what if The Boys was a sentai series” is a killer premise, but the story so far is extremely frontloaded. Almost too much happens in the first four episodes, and then the bulk of the last arc of the season takes place in a goddamn parking garage. I’m still annoyed by that. Still looking forward to season 2, but I wish the debut season had been 24 episodes to avoid the sour taste in my mouth.

Did you hear that echo? Yep, that's me telling you to watch yet another OP. Easily the best part of the show and one of the best of the year. Tatsuya Kitani can't keep getting away with it.

32. Astro Note

2024 turned out to be a banner year for Rumiko Takahashi’s older works making their way back to modern screens, and one of those entries wasn’t even hers.

Astro Note is an overt homage to Takahashi’s less-famous romcom Maison Ikkoku, which ran parallel to Urusei Yatsura for most of the latter’s run. Like Ikkoku, Astro Note follows a down-on-his-luck young man living in a boarding house full of bizarre miscreants who only stays because the manager is super pretty. Unlike Ikkoku, and unbeknownst to our protagonist, said manager is actually an alien who is practically turning the house over to find a secret alien MacGuffin.

This show looks lovely and has a delightful cast and some surprisingly moving subplots, but it’s nothing too special otherwise. There are some fun creative flourishes here and there, like the alien stuff shown in flashback being made to look like an older space opera anime, but aside from a very fun turn near the end of the season, Astro Note rarely rises above the level of simply “pleasant.” And that’s fine, but it doesn’t quite live up to the material it’s aping, and what we’ve ended up with is just a nice distraction. 

I’m so glad I finally decided to read Maison Ikkoku though.

31. Shangri-La Frontier, second cour

It’s been a running joke for me that the more I watch Shangri-La Frontier, the less I’m sure whether I like it or not, and now with 25 episodes in the tank, I’m less sure than ever. The back half of the debut season improved on a few of the things that annoyed me about its first cour by focusing more on the high-quality action and introducing minor stakes to the proceedings, and then everything else surrounding it made it feel no less like I’m just watching a guy playing a goddamn video game, and the stakes still mostly seem to amount to "he wants to be good at it."

You may notice that I didn’t include the second season in this review, and that’s because I flat-out didn’t care to pick it back up. I’d been busy during the fall season and continuing a show I didn’t enjoy that much just wasn’t a high priority. It’s continuing into January, so there’s time to catch it while it airs, but I’m still not in any hurry.

[bisexual-horror-fan]

"Happiness." Freddy Krueger X Amber Cottrell X GN! Reader. NSFW.

Ayyy! So, another day, another fic for Mutli-May! I would be an idiot to not do a Freddy and Amber plus reader fic, I have done one the two previous years and every year I do Multi-May I gotta include them! I wrote a fic set getting ready for a date, and the aftermath, so now, an actual date obviously! I hope you all enjoy this, I had a lot of fun writing this because it is partly based on and like revisiting everyone’s fave chapter of The Man Of My Dreams, chapter thirty-two. So let’s get into it!

—

Rating. Explicit. Length. 4.3K. Freddy Krueger X Amber Cottrell X GN! Reader. They/Them Pronouns. No Parts Specified. NSFW. Warnings: Established Relationship. Could Be Read As TMOMD Compliant. Making Out. Teasing. Public Play. Exhibitionism. Oral Sex. Cunnilingus. Vaginal Fingering. Blow Job. Throat Fucking. Teasing. Dirty Talk. Praise. Degradation. Humiliation. Orgasm Denial. Edging. Sex Game. Dom/Sub Dynamics. Freddy Is The Top, Amber Is The Middle, You Are The Bottom Bitch. You Love It Though. Objectification. Vaginal Sex. Cream Pie. Begging. Extreme Frustration. Heavy Petting. Threesome. Voyeurism. Cum Eating. Sloppy Seconds. Reader Is A Freak And Down SO Badly. 

—

Happiness comes in many different forms, for many different people, for some it is as simple as a brand-new book, dancing in the kitchen, or sun filtering through stained-glass windows. For others, happiness is infinitely more complex, a long term project coming to fruition, one of those thirty course single bite meals that cost a few thousand dollars, but you? Well you’d said that you fall in the middle, you can see the joy to be derived from both ends of the spectrum, some nights call for a concert at a dive bar and two dollar pizza slices, others are better suited for a lavish steak dinner and a full on Broadway production. 

Your preferred form of happiness as of late comes by way of your dreams, all thanks to the two people you have been spending more and more with. 

Happiness is a busy and fiercely independent woman with freckles and wild red curls and a total shoe fetish, a woman who leaves red lipstick prints on your cheeks and inner thighs in equal measure. She is the personification of work hard, play hard, get with her program and hold on tight, and you are in for an amazing time without fail, success and delight will find you easily. Amber Cottrell is as if sunshine itself was somehow well-read, funny, fashion forward paired with an incredible sexual appetite all poured into a curvy five-foot frame. 

Happiness is also a disgusting, sadistic, yet somehow charming, supernatural entity that has a scary amount of control over dreams that you don’t completely understand. Not a man, a demon that is somewhat masquerading as one, clad in filthy red and green stripes, brown pants and a bladed glove of his own making, horribly scarred skin and an endless imagination for depravity. Freddy Krueger is every dark and nasty impulse fully realized, and indulged in without a single ounce of shame, twisted and terrible, not to mention he is totally addictive. 

The two of them together were a sight to behold, and you felt that so lucky to be privy to it, involved in it, carving your own space in their dynamic, building onto it and improving it undoubtedly. 

It is date night, Friday, and apparently tonight was special, there was a plan that you had not been made privy to, and there was something very exciting about that. Amber and you normally have a date getting ready to go to bed to see Freddy, not tonight though, she says it’ll be worth it, the pair of you had plans to meet up for brunch tomorrow morning anyway, to help make up for lost time. You go to bed on schedule and even with how excited you are, you fall asleep quickly and easily, when you wake up, strewn on the sheets of the playroom’s bed you find Amber there waiting. 

She is sitting on those three steps leading down into the large circular bed that has been sunk into the floor, and looks incredible and at ease. She is leaning back, in a lovely black silk dress, low cut, a high slit creeping up to her thigh on the left side, tall shiny black patent leather heels that had thick loops around her ankles, closed with small glittering gold locks that match the fine jewellery she has on. Amber has her hair half up, a few loose curls framing her face, nails her favourite shade of red to match her lips, she wears a smile on her face as she gives her greeting, “Hey you.” 

Her blue eyes are fixed on you as you push yourself up, starting to crawl your way over to her as you say, “Hi Amber.” 

Once you’ve reached her, you get up on your knees, you lean in, slotting between her spread thighs, your hands resting on the stair she is seated, on either side of her hips, she smells delicious, she is so warm, you missed her. Your face leans closer, you want to kiss her, but her hand comes up, two manicured fingers press to your lips and stop you short, she says softly, “Mmm not yet.” 

You want to pout, sad at being denied what you really want, you ask, “Why not?” 

“Humour me, it’s part of the game tonight.” She teases, and that sends a thrum of excitement through, a game? You couldn’t wait to learn the rules. You push though, “Could I kiss you elsewhere?” 

She grins before saying softly, “Oh no, that is heavily encouraged.” 

You take her invitation, you place a chaste kiss on her cheek and don’t stop there, kissing down lower, along her jaw and down her neck, and shoulder, you revel in the feeling of her satiny skin against your lips. You enjoy every sigh and shift of her from the movements of your mouth, until she stops you. Before you could complain or protest, she says, “We need to start getting you ready, or we’ll be late.” 

“Late?” You inquire as she gets up, holding her hand out to you, waiting for you to take it. 

Turns out tonight you are all going out to eat, Amber has told you before about this restaurant, it was an important and beloved spot in her and Freddy’s relationship. 

You loved that story, how he picked what she wore, them going out, him teasing her with a bullet vibe in her panties in public until she couldn’t take it, and he fucked her right there on the table with a huge audience. It was super hot, while they had visited the eatery many a time, you had never been, so this was very special to be invited. You could only wonder what would happen to you there.

Amber brings you to the bathroom, and you find your own fantastic and formal outfit laid out, the difference was you didn’t do this alone like he made her do way back when, she helps you, takes a little time to assist you in dressing up. By the time you are done and looking at yourself in the mirror, you don’t feel quite so underdressed next to her, she is practically beaming, and you love that you brought that reaction forth.

“You look good enough to eat.” she coos in that impression she does on occasion of Freddy whenever he isn’t around, and it makes you both laugh, her hands squeeze your shoulders as she kisses your cheek, you will proudly wear the imprint like a colourful brand, proclaiming to anyone who sees you together, “I’m hers.” 

Next, her hand slips into yours, and she tugs, “Come on, he has the table and is waiting on us.” 

A snap of her fingers and the bathroom door was meant to go back out into the playroom, instead now leads onto a city street at night, you follow her lead, the control she has over his domain will forever remain impressive, you know it took a lot to earn it and an immense amount of work on her part. The walk is brisk and easy in the cool air, and it doesn’t take long to arrive. The restaurant is nice, very fucking nice, Freddy is dressed up too, much more so than you had ever seen, and he is gloveless, a true rarity, leaving you to joke, “You own a suit?” 

You get a sharp smile and a fond, “Fuck off.” In response, that makes you and Amber both laugh, he still kisses you on the cheek and compliments on how great you look. You flourish under their joint praise, and soon you are seated, excited to see how this will all unfold.

Now, of all the turns you thought tonight was going to take, this wasn’t one. You thought maybe you’d be the focus, be teased and tortured in public until you break, but no, apparently it is this kind of night, where you are a prop for their amusement and enjoyment. This dynamic isn’t new, there are times when they use you like a toy for their mutual enjoyment, but you? Well honestly, you love that. 

So with the drink you’d been given half drunk, feeling warm and a bit loose, that is when Freddy says simply, “Get under the table.” 

Your eyes flick to Amber to see her, with her own neat whiskey in her manicured grip, an indulgent smile and eyes mischievous. You ask softly, “So is this the game?” 

Freddy lets out a small laugh, “Can’t slip nothin’ past you.” He knocks back another sip of his drink then swallows, he sighs and continues on, “The idea is simple, you get under the table, you use your mouth and hands to work her and me over, until we just can’t take it anymore-”

“And then?” You ask hopefully and Amber slips her hand into yours again, she gives a comforting squeeze and says playfully, “And then you’ll get to see what comes next.” 

So you have to wait, you only get to know the prize once you unlock it, that is fun and a great motivator, who knows what it could be, how they will choose to reward you. After taking another healthy swig of your drink, you do as instructed, you get out of your seat and drop to your knees on the nice carpeted floor and slip under the curtain of the thick white table cloth. They are at least nice enough to help, Amber spreads her legs and adjusts the high slit of her dress to expose herself and that is when you see for the first time tonight she has no underwear on, and Freddy opens his own belt at minimum and leaves the rest for you to do, the asshole. 

You start with her, easier access, and also you are helplessly drawn to the sight of her spread legs, those soft inviting thighs and her totally bared cunt, smooth and already a little wet. You crawl towards her for the second time that night, settling yourself comfortably between her legs. Your hands resting on her inner thighs, and you start to kiss your way up, starting at her knees and not stopping until the rich scent of her fills your nose. Kissing and kissing, and soon your lips meet hers, and then yours part, your tongue slips out and runs up from hole to clit. So far she hadn’t moved an inch or done anything that could clue someone in to what you were doing under the table, but your tongue making it’s first contact has her legs jerking slightly, and you hear above you her glass being set down roughly. 

Under the table you cannot fully hear their conversation, it is like hearing a song in another room at a party, you get the sense of the volume, the beat, the cadence and mood, but not the direct content. You can tell Freddy is saying something teasing to her, probably calling her out on her reaction you’d assume, and you continue your work, tongue swirling around the quickly hardening bud. 

You try harder to get more reactions from her when you can’t see her face or hear her properly, but it is difficult, she is doing her best to try and school all her reactions, and she has a lot of experience with that. Thankfully, you have spent a lot of time learning what gets her off, which means you know the tell-tale signs of when she is close, the build is slow because you want it to be, teasing it out of her, carefully building her up until you know she is riding that line very closely. Her legs are trembling, the tension in her body very clear, she is significantly wetter and controlling the volume of her voice is clearly much more difficult, you can tell it is wavering and with a final lick you pull back. 

Sitting there on your knees, hands still planted on her inner thighs, you take in the view of her leaking slit and how much you’ve already wrecked her, she looks so much redder and swollen from all your attention. Once her body relaxes a little as her bliss slips out of reach, you make you move to the other side of the table.

Once sat between his legs, your hands reach out and begin to work at his pants, it is moments like this you wish you had Amber’s level of control, she can strip him with a well-placed snap of her fingers, while you have to fight to get his dick out because he isn’t helping you at all. Freddy is always so supremely unhelpful, unless he decides to use you to team up on Amber, you think he might get off on that more than the actual acts you get up to. 

With his shaft now in your palm you don’t waste time, slipping the head of his dick into your mouth and stroking his shaft with your hand, spit used as lube, and you do it as he likes, rough and unrelenting. Once you get to it, he isn’t one for teasing unless explicitly asked for, and that is a rare occasion to be sure. It takes less than three minutes until you are essentially fucking your own throat as opposed to casually sucking him off, the weight of him on your tongue and the taste invading nearly every sense. You are gagging and getting desperate for breath, his timing is as close to perfect as you can get when he pushes you back, leaving you sucking back several deep breaths and fighting off a minor coughing fit. 

His foot nudges you in a way that is less than gentle, urging you backwards, and you take the hint, making your way back to Amber to tease her again. 

Mentally you are having an amazing time, your own itch for humiliation is being scratched pretty good, sometimes it is very fun to be used as a series of parts rather than acknowledged as a whole person, you want to be a hot mouth and hardworking hands, you want to bring pleasure, you want to be good, you want to be used. 

You do this back and forth two more times each, eat her like you are starving, take his abuse as he fucks your mouth, the waiter has come and gone a few times, food has been brought, you can feel the tension increasing immensely. The pair of them are having a hard time holding back now, you don’t think it will take much more, your own arousal is becoming impossible to ignore. You throb and ache in your nice evening clothing, you want to undo snaps and pull down zippers, take some pressure off, touch yourself, get some relief, but you don’t, you know your patience will be rewarded. 

You focus on them, pouring all the desire you have for your own pleasure into theirs, and right now, you are between Amber’s thighs again, this has to be roughly the fifth edge you are working her towards. The sweet and salty tang of her on your pallet is delicious, you revel in her flavour as you lick her clit, two fingers seated in her cunt, you work the hardest that you have all night to make this one as close as possible. You can tell she is near, her thighs are rigid, she has one leg over your shoulder and is partly slumped in the chair to give you full access to her pussy, she is panting softly, and she isn’t speaking; she has one hand below the table, fingers in your hair and knotted tightly. You hear it, that classic Amber tell, the hitch in her breath, it tells you she is about to cum in a few seconds, so you pull back. 

Amber scoots the chair back a hair and her other hand lifts the white fabric, this is the first time she is looking at you since you got under the table, she looks fucking gorgeous, her freckled face is flushed, her lips parted, a sweaty sheen to her skin and her eyes half lidded, she breathes out, “Please, I’m so fucking close-” 

You want to, God do you ever want to make her cum, she begs so prettily, and you are weak for her, but you can’t, you shake your head once, and she lets out a sound that could be read as a mournful sob. 

Before you can fully pull away and make your way back to Freddy, he speaks up, “Again.” 

Automatically you lean in, your tongue licks up her clit slowly, your fingers sunk back in deeply, and you keep your eyes on Amber’s face the whole time, watching her body go slack from the renewed pleasure with a whine.

You continued to touch her, you lick and finger fuck her until her body is trembling, and she is on the edge once more in less than two minutes. She is shaking and her hand in your hair pulls, she makes a move of her hips, like she is going to grind on your face, force you to make her cum, before you can protest or try to stop it, Freddy speaks up again, “That’s enough.” 

You are familiar with that tone, the control he exerts with it, Amber and you both freeze, and you hear him push his chair out, he gets up and comes over, you can’t see him from this angle, but you can hear him standing next to Amber as he says, “Let em, go.” 

Reluctantly, Amber does so, her fingers leave your hair, and you pull away, your fingers slip out of her and, and you feel that strange ineffable invisible force Freddy wields grip your shoulders and drag you out from under the table. 

You are brought onto your feet unsteadily and shoved into the edge of the table so you lean almost sitting against it, he is on you in short order, finally you are touched. Hands wander, pull at clothing and press in the spots you love and need it most, his mouth on your neck and you moan, loud, unapologetic. This position is purposeful, you are looking over his shoulder, and you realize that your lewd display was no obvious, you’d called the entire restaurant's attention, and you couldn’t bring yourself to care. 

It was hot, you get it completely, the exhibitionist streak Amber woke up in you a while ago rages inside of you, arousal is totally taking over, you enjoy the attention. Freddy speaks again, “You did a good job.”

His praise sinks into your bones, his teeth nip the side of your neck, his leg is between yours giving you a point to grind on, and you take the opportunity. You moan and writhe for the entire establishment, dying to get your clothing off and get your reward.

It is like he read your mind, his touch stops all too soon, he pushes you onto the table-top, your body falls so you are lying on your back among the plates of partly finished food and drinks. 

“Be a little more patient for me, hm?” He speaks in a way that you can never say no to, a small nod, and he makes a gesture to Amber who gets up quickly. Your head turns to look at her face, you can see how much watching you and Freddy affected her, fingers twitching like she had been itching to touch herself the entire time and barely held herself back. Freddy adjusts her, fixes her position on top of you, so her cunt is back in your face, and you are given the instruction, “You are going to lick that clit while I fuck her stupid, got it?” 

“Yes.” You utter simply, and you feel Amber shiver, you know that is her favourite word, and you adore the effect it still has on her, no matter what. Freddy has his hands on her hips and lines up to fuck her from behind, he sinks into her, and she moans, you lift your head enough and got to work, tongue slipping up the silky smooth bundle of nerves.

He isn’t easy on her, he fucks her roughly, pulling her back onto him as he fucks forward, you get a handle on the rhythm quickly, you lick her twice on every stroke, every time he fucks in and when he pulls out. Amber is moaning brokenly, a total wreck, and yet, she is still being so nice, because in her current position on top of you means she has easy access to touch you and she does. She uses those clever fingers to touch you through your clothing, she focuses on a particularly good spot that makes you moan against her and causes you to have to work harder to keep your mouth moving. You have your hands gripping the legs of Freddy’s pants to help keep you steady and in the right position.

“God, love when you do this, makes her cunt twitch so good around me.” Freddy groans out, and you can’t help the immediate response, your hips jerking into Amber’s touch, you love his filthy compliments. 

Amber is begging three minutes in, all the edging and how perfectly this whole scenario fulfills many of her most beloved kinks, it isn’t surprising that she is close so quickly, clearly Freddy is intending to overwhelm her with pleasure, so permission is given easily, “Come on slut, do it.” 

She does, it is a thing of beauty how he has her trained to practically cum on command when she is close, Amber cries out, her fingers falter against you briefly, body shivers as your tongue strokes her, and he fucks her through it. 

You will forever adore Amber cumming, the sound of it, the feeling, being a part of it or the cause of it, joy of joys, the amount of masturbation material it has provided is staggering. 

Amber’s orgasm ends, she recovers enough and her fingers pick up their original pace and pleasure swells in you again. So, funny thing about this, Amber is so good at this she is able to get you close even with all your clothing on, and she does, you get close, but then Amber will cum again, fingers stalling enough to effectively edge you without intending to. You genuinely think she is too caught up to put the pieces together and realize what she is doing to you, which makes it all the more maddening.

She finds bliss three more times in pretty short order before Freddy is letting you know, “Gonna cum in you, get ready-” Amber begs again, enthusiastic and breathy, needy and wanting, “Oh do it, please, please, want it so much-”

With another five thrusts he is cumming with a groan of her name, he holds deep and spills totally, her fingers have brought you close again, she slows and keeps you right on the edge this time, you want to cry, you want to beg, you want your own release. 

Freddy and her are panting, still joined together, he is held to the base inside her, revelling in the sensation of her wrapped around him, not wanting to move yet. 

You drop your head, jaw a little sore and done with eating her out, panting and Amber’s fingers pick back up again, the pair of them must not have realized or notice your predicament, how could they? In this position neither could see your face, and that doesn’t help things, the objectification of this is hot, the reminder that you are a prop in this, a toy for them, a body for Amber to lie on, a tongue to tease her clit, an aid to help Freddy ruin her and make her cum her brains out.

There is no time, you are done in, no way to truly warn you gasp out a feeble, “Amber!” 

Your body reacts, hips arch, legs twitch, your hands grip tighter to the legs of Freddy’s pants, and you cum, still fully dressed after being so totally used before the whole restaurant, face soaked with pussy juice from nose to chin. You moan brokenly through it, Amber to her credit keeps her touch going, now fully aware you are cumming, it is embarrassing, humiliating, all this build up, and you cum from her basically palming you through the layers of fabric still covering your form. 

Untangling takes a good minute, after you swallow down the shared mix of him and her that leaks when he pulls out, he helps her off of you and assists in getting you off the table safely. You are breathing very hard, and soon you are seated once more, you are wiping your mouth with the nice cloth napkin as Freddy and Amber take their own original seats again. They tease you in a way that makes you want to sink into your chair, Freddy is looking at you in that teasing and predatory way as he asks, “Good orgasm?” 

Amber scoffs at him, she turns to you, her hand slips into yours, eyes set on you as she speaks to him, “Be nice, they worked really hard to cum in their pants like that.” 

You laugh, leaning into Amber’s soft exposed shoulder, telling her softly, “Maybe take your own advice.” 

“I think I am very nice, if I was mean I wouldn’t have got you off, or, do this-” Her fingers tilt your chin up, and she kisses you on the lips for the first time that night, warmth spreads to your fingertips and toes at the realization of it, that they both used you so thoroughly before you’d been granted this. When she is done, he does the same, getting kissed back to back by them makes your head spin in the best way. It feels like this is your true reward. 

You have more drinks, you get your own food, more kisses, affection, soft touches and conversation, you are happy, on cloud nine and blissful.

What a good night. 

[bookloure]

The first three books of the month, read.

I set a goal of 36 books this year with the intention of spending more time on other hobbies, like watching films or series or actually writing about the books I finish here. This month, it seems I’m already set reading-wise (I will not stop reading, but at least I don’t feel like I have to finish more books).

The (sad?) thing about this update is that I did not fall in love with any of them, but hey! Reading is not just about finding five stars! I continue to enjoy spending time with stories even though I’m finding it harder and harder to find favorites.

I opened the year cleaning my bookshelves while listening to Orbital on audio. I saw quite a few BookTube videos about the Booker shortlist, and I wasn’t drawn to this book (it’s The Safekeep and Stone Yard Devotional for me), but it was available on audio, and it’s short, so I thought I’d give it a go.

I understand the Booker win; I can appreciate the research and the heart that was poured into the making of this book; I can tell that the author fell in love with the Philippines, but personally, it’s not my jam. Altho, it made me envious of the people in the 60s, when the moon landing made the world stand still, and one felt a sense of pride and hope in being a human. Now, with every ‘advancement’ humanity makes, I get a little more hopeless and dreadful for the future.

Second book that I picked up was Yellowface by RF Kuang. This was a light read, entertaining in some parts and farcical for most. Given my interest in books, it was surprising that I wasn’t engrossed in the plot. I did not feel affected by any of the scenes or the characters. Everyone sucks here, so that maybe contributed to me having no sympathy towards anyone, even as they go through the worst day of their lives? I also thought the explorations of its themes were superficial. Maybe it was the absurd tone of the book that made me feel that way, idk. Massive respect for the author's range, tho. This will not be my last RF Kuang for sure.

Ah, last but certainly not the least is Yñiga, which, l have concluded, is way too smart for me at the moment. This book is all about subtext, and most of them just went completely over my head. Between being a clueless middle-class class who has lived most of her life in Imperial Manila and who finds politics and political intrigue too tiring and the infancy of my understanding of my country's past, I needed things spelled out for me. And nothing is spelled out here for the reader.

My experience reading Yñiga is akin to that of a child who barely understands anything but somehow knows that something important is being discussed by adults (later in life will be an epiphany). Everything felt vague to me, especially the parts where the book alluded to Magsaysay and the US. I understood the plot, which is the tip of the iceberg, but everything else is being concealed from me still.

I was also wrestling with it prose-wise: the narrative is so violently non-linear, but the prose itself has a lethargic energy, and I found that mismatch very jarring. I don't appreciate all the astrology quips peppered throughout (a nitpick), but boy, do I love that ending. And the Balete parts. I wish it leaned more toward the magical realist style of storytelling, but that's the magical realism girlie in me talking.

I will definitely revisit this one once I make myself smarter. I plan to read some of the books mentioned in the book's acknowledgment and then wrestle with this once more. It is not my last Glenn Diaz, either, that I can guarantee.

[suzuran777]

Review: Shingakkou -Noli me tangere- (PIL/SLASH)

This is a game I've been wanting to replay for a long time! It has been 10 years, so I had a fun time revisiting it.

The story focuses on protagonist Michael, who's enrolled into a seminary. Excited to finally reunite with his family, Michael and his twin brother Gabby return home during their Christmas holiday, only to find out that someone has killed their parents and sister. To make things even more strange, they find a mysterious mark on the wall, written in their father's blood. Upon returning to the seminary, Michael discovers that this mark belongs to a secret society that exists in his very own school.

It turns out that this secret society is a group of devil worshippers called "Akahebi no Tsuichi" (soil of the red snake). After receiving some hints about how to join, Michael joins their group to find out the true identity of its members. During their first meeting, some of the voices sound familiar to characters you meet earlier in the game... I will try to avoid mentioning any big spoilers in this review because it's more fun to experience it yourself!

The first three routes follow a kind of similar story, you can choose between Leonid, Cecil or Neil. I personally think it doesn't really matter, so I started with Leonid's route. I ended up really liking him. At first he seems like a very serious character who has a lot of responsibilities, but later you learn he also has a different side. Michael often has to help him clean his room because Leonid has a habit of not organizing anything (to put it lightly...). When he does try to organize his belongings, Michael ends up finding shoelaces in tea cans and shirts stuffed in drawers... He's voiced by Midorikawa Hikaru who is in a lot of older BL games, so maybe I'm biased.

I guess it's important to mention that it definitely feels more like a horror game than a mystery game, so after playing the first route you kinda know what to expect from the next routes already, but it's still interesting to see how each character reacts to everything that happens in the game imo! I played Neil's route next, followed by Cecil's route. I thought Neil's personality was really fun, he teases Michael a lot but he also has a serious and caring side. I must admit that Cecil wasn't really my type, but he's Michael's closest friend and I'm sure there's many people out there who do enjoy childhood friend characters.

After playing the first three routes... it was time for August's route. And oh boy this is where things get a lot worse for Michael! I like how you can still choose who tops and bottoms by the way, which you can do for every character in this game. I remember I somehow didn't expect August of all characters to bottom LOL... I actually quite liked the ending because it's so different than the previous three routes. Some very cool symbolism at the end of his route too which is hard not to appreciate! August's route unlocks Gabby's route, which is the final route of the game.

So, one thing you immediately notice in the first routes is that not many people seem to talk to Gabby, he mostly chats with Michael. When him and Michael get too close to the lake, which is kind of a prohibited area to visit, only Michael gets scolded for being there. One of the only exceptions is when August talks to them, who mentions both of them. I promise everything does make sense eventually and I actually really liked Gabby's route and ending... It was also fun to learn more about the side characters!

I think it was interesting to see how the game handled topics like religion. I remember I wasn't sure if I would like a game with these kind of themes, but it was actually quite good. Even though the seminary has very strict rules, many of the students have different interpretations of what religion should mean to someone. In the end it turns out Leonid is not very religious at all and wants to create a world in which same-sex marriage is accepted, and even Neil, who's revealed to be a pastor in his own route, thinks it's fine that people sometimes question if God really exists. At the end of the game Michael also mentions that maybe the god they believe in isn't the one that is literally described in the bible, but that he still believes that there is something out there.

I thought the horror in this game was pretty well done too, not super scary but it never failed to surprise me. As the route progresses, Michael starts having more and more nightmares and hallucinations. Demons, bugs, ghosts etc. Some scenes have these "jumpscares" but I wouldn't say they're too bad. What caught me off guard is whenever the faces of the other characters became weirdly distorted, which was quite creepy.

I guess my only "complaint" would be that it's one of these games in which every route doesn't really have a completely different story, therefore it can get a bit tedious when you have to complete Leonid, Cecil and Neil's route before you can play August's route, which unlocks Gabby's route. I always try to play every route though, so for me it was no big problem.

I was actually surprised there's a completed Shingakkou manga which focuses on Neil's route! I think it has also been fan-translated, so if you do want to get a feeling what the game is like before playing it, it might be an option to read that instead. Shingakkou hasn't been translated into English, but it's very easy nowadays to download a tool like Textractor and to play it using machine translation. I definitely recommend checking it out yourself!

[hyperfocusedcloneshipper]

What's your top three favorite chapters? What about other fics?

Oh jeez. This is going to be difficult. Let me start with some of my favorite fics by other fic writers and then I can try to get to my top three favorite chapters

I have to start with this heart of mine and i am missing you because they really are the two fics that sort made me fall in love with w.bg fanfic. heart of mine was especially a source of inspiration for me. I basically read that and immediately wanted more. I don't know if I would've ended up writing fanfic if not for ace from the @solipsistful collective.

After that... god this feels impossible. But let's give this a shot.

I feel like everyone should read Doubled, it's a work of art and I am positively rabid for it. If you are a fan of MW it's such a great take on the character. ace is also responsible for Tether and Honeymoon

probablynotsafeforwork has been publishing some truly delightful and charming fics of the smutty variety. I highly recommend Playin' Pretend and Playing Favorites to get a start with especially if you enjoy Mike/Michael fics

A Lover is Someone To Be Silly With by @ty-bayonet-betteridge is so sweet and captures the voice of MDawg and MW so well. I revisit that fic often because it just such a gorgeous snapshot of what those two could be. A Very WOE.BEGONE New Year's is a wonderful fic that captures so many of the woe.begone characters and gives them all of them a happy new year. Also I adore their series Two Liars Lying To Eachother.

It's difficult for me to pick a fave from @felixcosm but I'm going to go with a normalcy i'm begging you to know and it’s like you wanna get caught. a normalcy i'm begging you to know captures really early Mike/Michael so well, balancing that tenderness and frustration that they have for one another. it’s like you wanna get caught is just so very hot and funny. I love the way OverMike and Mikey are written in that one and captures their voices so well.

@muppet-chaos manages to convince me of ships I never thought I would and one of the best examples of this is Employee Benefits which centers around Topher Evans (CANNONBALL). They also wrote one of the most heart breaking Mike/Michael fics with The Best You've Ever Had (Is Just A Memory). I come back to that one again and again for how well it captures Mike's sense of loss. In that same vein Was I Delicate Enough? is a poignant and tragic snapshot from MW's perspective that I reflect on often when I write my own MW centric chapters. Also @muppet-chaos is the genius that brought up Mike4Mike Month! We should be singing their praises!

@orchidbreezefc wrote Reflecting and it's one of those fics that had me holding my breath the entire time I was reading it because I was so caught up. The writing is gorgeous and lush. I am almost loathe to recommend Nostalgia because it absolutely gutted me, but I'd be lying if I said I haven't reread it dozens of times. It's a heart breaker be warned but it's a beautiful one and somehow takes the end of episode 107 and makes it hurt even more.

I never thought I would buy into a Mike/Mikey ship but almost like you never left by @falloutcoys made me a believer. It is sweet and hot and I won't even try to pretend I haven't reread it several times over. Also this house will never forget your name is a gorgeous fic that takes place while Mikey is staying with Matt and my heart just aches every time I read it. Please go give it a read, it's utter perfection.

I also highly highly highly recommend Teacher's Pet. Some really good fucked up shit in there and really captures Michael's desperation to be a sheepdog for the Mikes. It's also hot even as it's disturbing.

Okay. I've put off choosing my favorite chapters of Love in the Time of Iterations and Retrocausal Pockets as long as I could 😅. I will not be able to limit it to three, I am so sorry. This series is my baby and I really do put SO MUCH thought into it so I hope it's okay if I go a little overboard here.

I'll go in chronological order:

Chapter 8: Distractions

I love this chapter because its encapsulates the ways in which Mike and Michael try to protect one another and how they make sure that the other knows they are worthy of protection and love.

Chapter 13: Sheepdogging

I felt like I really nailed the argument between Mike and Michael towards the end of this chapter. Michael is furious with Mike but is able to be mature enough to recognize that now if not going to be a time when they can have a productive discussion about the shit Mike tried to pull.

Chapter 14: (Pair Bonding) Studies

This list would be incomplete without this chapter. I went into this chapter knowing it would have a lasting impact on the series going forward but it wasn't until I did my final edit of the chapter that I realized that it would forever change things for Mike and Walt (and as a result, Edgar and Michael as well)

Chapter 20: I thought that I could trust you

This chapter hurt me to write. I had planned out the MW arc and I remember feeling absolute dread the closer I got to writing this chapter. As soon as I hit publish on this one I wanted to write Mike and Michael back together. I'm glad I stuck to my original plan but it was extremely difficult. I ended up writing chapters 21, 22, and 23 all at the same time.

Chapter 25: Unwell

This chapter signals a real shift between Michael and Walt. I think it might be the first time that Walt is really truly vulnerable with Michael. It's a fairly quiet chapter compared to the others I chose but it is an important one for Michael and Walt's relationship.

Chapter 34: Bound: Part 3

I picked Part 3 because it's kind of the culmination of the entire Bound arc but those three chapters were originally one chapter. The Bound mini arc was important in that it solidifies the relationship between Michael, Mike, Walt, and Edgar. They spend all of Wedding Week essentially figuring out how they work together and for all intents and purposes make their quad official.

Chapter 37: Alive & Free

This Chapter was such an undertaking. I had to go back and revisit everything from Chapter 13 onward to remind myself what would have been going on in the background of this chapter. I had this chapter planned for a couple months and was very excited to write it because I knew if I didn't write this chapter, the OvEdgar Council would just come across as one dimensional villains and I really didn't want that. What I didn't expect was just how much I would adore these characters.

Chapter 46: The To Do List

This is not the first Edgar-centric chapter but it is one I am especially proud of. I adore Edgar so much and I loved having the opportunity to explore what it looks like when he is pushed to his emotional limits. And I loved being able to explore the ways in which he used his competency to avoid dealing with his grief.

I think I'll leave it there because the more I look at my AO3 page for IRP the more I want to add other chapters to the list and it's already so so long.

Thanks so much for the ask, this was a lot of fun and I ended up rereading a lot of my favorite fics from other fic writers to put this post together 💕

[qqueenofhades]

Heyy :)) I don't know if you still do prompts and if you do them for this ship but if yes could you please do 26. or 19. for Ivan x Fedyor? That'd be so lovely ♡ thanks a bunch and if not no worries!

Ivan has been staring at a pile of paperwork for almost three hours, the pain in his head feels like someone has driven a spike into his eye, and he really doesn't know why someone else couldn't do this. All right, they'd probably fuck it up and make him fix it anyway, they're not of sufficiently high rank to look at the Darkling's sensitive secrets and classified attack plans, and all other people are idiots etc. etc., but it still feels unfair for it to have fallen on him, particularly. They only got back from the latest Fjerdan campaign a few days ago, it went worse than expected, every strategy needs to be revisited and revised, and that has become, undoubtedly, Ivan's job, now that he's the unquestioned second-in-command of the entire Second Army, subordinate only to General Kirigan himself. He's not yet thirty.

He has just drawn a deep breath, angrily splashed the last of the kvas into his cup and taken a fortifying swig, and otherwise braced himself for another few hours of torture, when there's a knock on the antechamber door and -- barely waiting for an answer -- Fedyor Kaminsky rushes in. "Captain," he says, spotting Ivan and stopping to salute. "Good, you're here. You need to come with me at once."

"What?" Ivan jostles the desk, jumps to his feet, and looks around suspiciously, as if some malfeasant has breached the sancrosanct walls of the Little Palace and he needs to kill them immediately. "What is it?"

"You'll see." Fedyor tugs at him. "Hurry."

Ivan, swallowing his questions, abandons the paperwork without a backward glance and hurries out after Fedyor, already assessing the potential options. This seems bad, or at least urgent enough that it has to be handled with no delay. Has the tsar choked on a sweetmeat, or the tsaritsa stabbed herself with her embroidery needle, or some other pressing crisis that the fucking royal family feels the need to involve their pet Grisha in? Is it worse? Did something abruptly collapse from that underwhelming campaign? Did they decide that said underwhelming campaign was entirely Ivan's fault and throw him out of the order, thus to be packed back home to frigid Chernast in disgrace? Or maybe --

Apparently oblivious to Ivan's inner turmoil, Fedyor keeps up a brisk pace down the corridors, until they enter the library, ensure that the Apparat is not lurking moistly behind a nearby bookshelf, and hurry down the narrow rows to the end. Fedyor reaches around it, presses a hidden catch, and stands back as the shelf swings out, as smoothly as if it's on wheels. It reveals a narrow passage and set of twisting steps beyond, leading upward and out of sight, and Ivan frowns. "What's this? Is there someone up there? Is it a -- "

"Just shut up and go up there." Fedyor prods him in the back, a familiarity for which Ivan would definitely flay anyone else alive, but in the several years since he and Fedyor officially became a thing, he has grudgingly learned to accept. "Take a look."

Muttering, Ivan ducks under the low lintel and ascends the narrow, creaky steps, hands held vigilantly at the ready for anything that feels up to springing out of the darkness. There's nothing, though, and when he reaches the hidden nook at the top, lit only by a skylight somewhere high above, he turns in a circle and can't see any pressing emergency. "What's going on? Why did you -- "

He's cut off as Fedyor reaches the top, bounds into the small space after him, and seizes Ivan by the collar of his kefta, pushing him against the wall and kissing him thoroughly. Ivan splutters, makes a noise of extreme protest (okay, mild protest) and windmills his arms, but somehow manages not to break free or even push Fedyor away at all. He's still grumbling when Fedyor bites his lower lip, making him yelp, and then forced to focus on kissing him back. It's only when they've sunk to their knees on the floor, Ivan is mentally calculating how uncomfortable it really could be to lie on those floorboards, and still kissing in short, hungry bursts when he realizes the truth. "You little bastard, Fedya," he breathes. "You lied to me."

"Lied to you? About what?" Fedyor looks at him with that damn dark-eyed, dimpled smile for which Ivan is unbearably, ferociously weak. "I said you needed to come with me at once."

"For a military emergency! For -- I don't know, something! Not because you discovered an interesting door in the library and had a sudden urge to distract me!"

"Or. Counterpoint." Fedyor smirks, entirely unchastened. "I did, in fact, need to do exactly that. You're going to drive yourself crazy. Admit it, Vanya. You enjoyed this."

Ivan stares at him narrowly. Fedyor stares narrowly right back.

"Fine." Ivan wipes his mouth, bites a traitorous smile, and leans back in for another round. Whatever else it might be, life with Fedyor Kaminsky is never boring. "Maybe a very, very little."

[charcoalhawk]

Be still my beating heart

My second back up truce gift! This is for @timelessdp, so sorry this took so long!

I used this prompt: Phantom wasn’t Danny before the portal accident. He was Amity, younger Brother of Pariah Dark.

I had a ton of fun with this, and I hope to revisit this au at some point to explore more.

Warnings: brief description of injury

“Amity, it is ready.”

The faint sound of ticking alerts Amity to who entered his chambers before smoke whips out of frozen lungs.

“Thank you, Clockwork. With the sarcophagus finished we can finally look towards ending this.”

The Sarcophagus is their last chance, and even then its going to be a long shot. Amity’s brother is strong, but they have all the Ancients and Clockwork on their side.

“Are you sure it will actually work?”

Amity looks to one of his oldest friends, sees the anxiety they’re trying so hard to hide.

“It has to. Pariah has already caused so much destruction and misery across the infinite realms, if we don’t stop him now nothing will.”

Clockworks frown twists as he shifts rapidly between his three forms.

“I admire your confidence Amity, but-”

“I have full faith in your abilities, Timemaster, we will win.”

________________

They lose, badly.

Amity had known his brother was strong, Pariah Dark hadn’t gotten the moniker of ‘butcher’ when they had been alive for nothing. But this, several of the Ancients have been destroyed entirely, and Clockwork had been struck so horribly in the face that Amity thinks he might loose that eye.

Their attack had failed on every level. Pariah had clearly known they were coming, and once the fighting had started any sense of cohesion had left them, every ghost fighting only for itself.

The sword sinks deeper into Amity’s chest. The blade had nearly split his core in two, as is it’s held together by barely a thread.

“Kneel, brother.”

Pariah's voice is like thunder, demanding respect and attention from all.

“Never.”

His own voice quivers like a leaf in a storm even as he fights to look his brother in the eye.

This had been exactly why the plan had been to surprise and overwhelm Pariah, Amity had known in the depths of his core that they wouldn’t be able to beat his brother on an even playing field.

Pariah gestures with hand not wielding the sword, sweeping over the ruined battlefield.

“Look at what your foolishness had wrought, brother. Your ally’s lay decimated around you, and now you have forced me to expedite my plans.”

In an instant the sword is abruptly removed from Amity’s chest cavity, replaced by his brother's hand, using the gaping wound as a steady grip to heave Amity up.

“I should kill you here, traitor. But you will serve me much better by acting as an example.”

The next few seconds are a blur as Pariah strides past his decimated enemies, dragging Amity along like one would a reluctant dog.

It takes Amity a second too long to realize whats happening, but by then it is already too late.

Pariah shoves Amity’s broken body into the Sarcophagus, smile gleaming of the horrified shouts of Amity’s allies.

“I, Pariah Dark, conqueror of all the infinite realms, hereby banish you to earth. May you lay forever stranded as your core rots.”

Amity’s last sight before the door seals is his brother’s eyes, filled with hatred as he is shunted from his home.

He can feel when they pass the threshold and he hits earth-

His core screams, but he is trapped in the same sarcophagus he meant to damn his brother to. Trapped all alone on earth, far from the infinite realms.

His only hope is that the Ancients and clockwork are able to rally and capture Pariah before he destroys everything, but even as his core calls out, nothing answers.

___________________

The next few hundred years past in a disconnected haze.

History tells Amity after the first millennium totally isolated from the infinite reals he should have ceased to exist, but somehow his core has not completely destabilized. In fact, it had healed almost entirely from the grievous wound his brother had inflicted on him.

His only theory is that when Pariah tore a hole in the infinite realms to banish him to earth he had not been able to close the portal entirely behind him. So ectoplasm had been able to leak out in a high enough concentration to slowly heal him.

His body stays trapped, but he finds he is able to reach out with his core to take in the world around him.

It appears that while he had been slumbering humans had build an entire town up around where he is buried.

As more years pass he continues to observe this small town, which he is delighted to discover had somehow named itself Amity Park. he grows attached to the people, watching them grow and learn. And he welcomes every soul buried in his graveyard.

Occasionally a rouge ghost makes its way to earth, drawn to Amity’s home by the ectoplasm leaking from the portal remnants. Luckily as his core repaired itself Amity is able to establish this town as his domain, and even without his full power its laughably easy to scare off any ghosts looking to haunt his town.

Eventually he notices a curious development. Two of his people, so-called scientists who have a fascination with ghosts, begin to tinker extensively with the ambient ecto energy that permeates the town. The Fenton’s, they call themselves.

Amity leaves them to it, something he will come to regret for the rest of his afterlife.

It takes him too long to realize that the elder Fenton’s have built ome kind of machine directly over the tear until Amity’s word suddenly becomes alive.

In an instant he feels a spark alight him anew, fells the power from the infinite realms surge out, looking, begging for a response.

In all his excitement Amity almost misses it, but under the clamor of the realms he hears the faint cry.

At the epicenter of the rip in reality lies a human. The youngest Fenton, whos dreams of space remind Amity when he first explored the realms as a ghostling.

It seems whatever machine the elder fentons have created is attempting to re-tear a hole into the infinite realms, and this little one is in the epicenter. He can feel the buzz of ectoplasm all around and inside the boy, overwhelming his new infant core.

Amity reaches out with his own core to try and stabilize this new ghost, but the sheer power of the portal pulls him inward instead.

He is compressed, the fully developed core of a millenniums old ghost shoved into the body of an infant human child.

He screams. They scream. The infinite realms screams with them.

When he is next aware Amity is collapsed on a cold metal surface. But that isn't right.

The sarcophagus is designed to hold his core in suspension. Amity has not felt anything in millenniums.

“Danny?”

The voice is weak and distorted to Amity’s ears, but something deep inside him surges to life at the sound of that voice.

“I’m fi-ine Sam,” he says without thinking. But he shouldn’t know who this small human child is, shouldn’t recognize this lab and the equipment scattered haphazardly about.

His core yearns for the infinite realms, but under the familiar hum he feels something else. Utterly entwined with his core, is a human heart. Somehow the two organs work together seamlessly to pump both ectoplasm and blood through his veins.

Amity can think of a million curses, a thousand ways to damn the earth he is now trapped on, but all that comes out is a single, heart-and-core-felt,

“Fuck.”

[kyndaris]

Moe Moe Kyun!

Every year at SMASH! (Sydney Manga and Anime Show), there is a maid cafe. Why? Well, because in many anime and manga, anime cafes either feature in a chapter or two during the school festival if it's a slice of life story. Much like the obligatory beach episode. Or the hot spring event. What I'm trying to say is that it's a quintessential part of almost all anime and manga to include a maid cafe somewhere in their story.

Unfortunately, I've not had much luck attending the maid cafe held at SMASH! because of its popularity. Worse, these type of themed cafes aren't very big in Australia.

Enter Akihabara: home of many a maid cafe and the centre of culture for all international weebs.

On our last proper day in Japan, belachpanda and I decided to revisit Akihabara and Ikebukuro to tick off the places we might have missed out on the very rain-heavy Tuesday. And so, early in the morning, she and I went to try out a maid cafe. Here, we were treated like the princesses the two of us were. And it was bright and pink and we were called ojou-sama by the staff.

While we were a little early, it wasn't long before we were seated and had ordered our dessert combos (which included a polaroid photo, our choice of drink and a choice of the desserts they had available). While it was a little difficult to communicate, I couldn't help but admire their enthusiasm. Especially when every time one of the maids brought out food for the guests they would cast a 'spell' over it by going: "Moe Moe Kyun!" and encourage us to do it as well.

While I found it mildly embarrassing at first, their earnestness soon had me joining in wholeheartedly. But I have to say, the interactions when it came to drinks - be it alcoholic or ones require mixing was...well...also a little different.

Still, seeing everyone else engage with the staff and be suckered into participating with it helped normalise it all somehow.

After the maid cafe, bleachpanda and I trawled trhough the stores at Akihabara, looking at what was on offer and seeing if there was any other merchandise that might catch our eye. This involved heading to Suruga-ya and perusing their stock of figurines for anything that caught my eye.

Alas, it was not to be.

I walked away empty-handed while bleachpanda bought herself three figurines after I'd noticed one of her favourite characters and pointed it out. Then, after purchasing them, she blamed me for being a bad influence!

Outrageous!

I was merely being a good friend. And I didn't tell her to BUY it. She did it all on her own, thank you very much!

Afterwards, we returned to the Square-Enix store and I ended up buying the Octopath Traveler 2 original soundtrack. We then tried our luck with getting the free Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth coasters but ended up getting the same two Turks. Not willing to give up, I got another drink and managed to nab Tifa Lockhart. Satisfied with my prize, I allowed bleachpanda to drag me back to Ikebukuro and Otome Road so she could visit two shops she missed while it was pouring down on us on Tuesday.

As luck would have it, she was able to spot a few tin badges of her favourite otome character while I simply looked on, eyes glazed.

We ended the day by revisiting the ARTNIA cafe to see if anything had been restocked before returning back to our hotel as we prepared for our early flight in the morning.

Thus, concluding our three week trip overseas to South Korea and Japan.

Least I managed to spot a few collectibles from franchises I was familiar with this time round! Probably should have got the Chiaki or the Kyoko mini figurine.

Oh, and I also spotted two Like a Dragon figurines. But I couldn't find a way to buy them! Ah well!

The return flight back home was mostly uneventful, although they did refresh a few of the movies available. And so, I managed to knock out Wonka and The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes during the nine hours I was up in the air.

Have to say, both of them were very different and I didn't expect a musical when I watched the trailers for Wonka back in cinemas.

Did I find a gallivanting Timothee Chalamet amusing? Yes. And I also really loved Olivia Colman's performance as an unscrupulous innkeeper.

As for The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, it was nice to get some backstory for Coriolanus Snow. Admittedly, the actor was very dashing but it was Rachel Zegler who stole hearts and minds as Lucy Grey Baird.

[nebulouscoffee]

✦ ✄ and ▵ for ‘Who We Are’?

Thank youuu <333

✦ what was your easiest fic to write & your hardest? - 'Progress' might've been the easiest; it was only about 3k words long (and, unlike almost every other attempt at a oneshot I've made, didn't accidentally turn into a multichapter!) I also just think my desire for Kira Nerys to be happy is a very powerful force. Like I wrote it over one evening😂 Hardest would probably be a tie between 'Butter Through An Hourglass' (Sisko falls through time fic), 'When The Fighting Stops' (the life of Kira Nerys as told through Bajoran prophecy), and 'Live With It' (Sisko & Garak post-canon Cardassia dialogue-only). But since I have posted none of those, I'll admit the last two chapters of 'Who We Are' have been giving me trouble

✄ what’s your editing process? - step one: keep editing things even as you write the chapter so you end up making very little progress. step two: go back and edit some of the previous chapters actually! why not! step three: agonise over tiny little phrases forever, make 204 changes, and then close the doc for two months. step four: revisit it and find like 15 new ideas to incorporate now. step five: only open it again a whole month later and go "hmm this chapter is about 3000 words too long actually! gotta cut it down! time to be merciless!!" and step six: somehow end up making it 4759 words longer instead

(lol okay editing is not my strong suit, but I do have ONE good tip, which is change the font or switch to reading on your phone between edits. Just seeing those same lines but visually different always makes me notice things I stop noticing in the same format!)

▵ pick a fic and I’ll tell you my favorite line - ooooh this is hard, because I know it's from the Trippy Ezri Joining Section but it's all so intertwined I really don't know how to pick it apart! My favourite bit is probably when she sees Benjamin in that cosmic kitchen and talks to him outside of linear time lol, but it's more that whole concept than any one line in particular. Though I do like this moment a lot:

Benjamin is watching her with some undefinable look in his eye. “Memory is a complicated, confusing, and… phenomenal thing,” he murmurs, his voice low and clear as the space between stars. “And yes, it can be poisonous at times. Believe me, I know. It can kill. It can drown. But- Ezri, if you want to survive when the tide comes in-” He reaches out, gently cups the sides of her face, and suddenly, everything feels so simple… “You let it take you.” She lets out a shuddering breath, wishing she could look in his eyes forever. “I’ll die.” “No.” Benjamin smiles. “You’ll soar.”

This friendship means so, so much to me, and I really wanted to capture the way these two characters seem to be like, cosmically bound to each other? Platonic soulmates who will find each other in every lifetime, etc. Ezri is struggling with this massively traumatic non-linear experience, losing herself as 300 years of memories are suddenly being dumped into her brain- and here in the middle of it is the one person who can make it make sense, finding her in the dark. Giving her a safe place to catch her breath, but also the pep talk she needs to stop rejecting the symbiont and get through the joining! And basically, his advice is let go. Don't try sorting things out, don't make sense of things, don't psychoanalyse yourself- and definitely don't try to make Dax's emotions/memories linear. Now, is this a hallucination? Is this the worm telling her to find Benjamin through a half-conscious dream? Is this Benjamin himself, helping her out non-linearly from the Celestial Temple post-canon? Who knows! The important thing is, Ben knows a thing or two about living multiple lives, and how emotions can displace a person from time- and yes, he is going to explain it to her through food metaphors :)